Wizard by Slammr

[colin (imported)]

As most regulars know, Slammr is an excellent writer and he has recently posted a new work called 'Wizard'.

I try never to post a bad review because it might discourage the writer, but on this occasion I regret to say that I am a bit disappointed.

The story starts very promisingly, well written and full of detail, but it seems that he might have got bored because about 2 thirds of the way through it suddenly seems to become very sketchy and hurried. The last chapter especially seems very superficial to me.

Maybe, I am getting too old and critical or, perhaps, it is because I expect so much of Slammr - his previous works were all of such a high standard.

What do the rest of you think?

Even so, thank you Slammr for posting this story and please do not let me discourage you.

[Slammr (imported)]

As most regulars know, Slammr is an excellent writer and he has recently posted a new work called 'Wizard'.

I try never to post a bad review because it might discourage the writer, but on this occasion I regret to say that I am a bit disappointed.

The story starts very promisingly, well written and full of detail, but it seems that he might have got bored because about 2 thirds of the way through it suddenly seems to become very sketchy and hurried. The last chapter especially seems very superficial to me.

Maybe, I am getting too old and critical or, perhaps, it is because I expect so much of Slammr - his previous works were all of such a high standard.

What do the rest of you think?

Even so, thank you Slammr for posting this story and please do not let me discourage you.

Sorry to disappoint you, Colin. You're right. The last chapter was sketchy and hurriedly concluded, but I think you've probably heard the adage, "You get what you pay for." My only pay as a writer for the archive is the response I get from my readers. For more than three weeks of work on "Wizard," I received two short email responses-none after the first two chapters; and, none from you.

Actually, I thought Wizard was a pretty good story. It could have been better and longer, but, considering how poorly I was paid for it-why bother?

I will probably re-write the ending of the story, but for myself, on my website, not for the archive-and not until I complete another project.

[colin (imported)]

Slammr,

I understand that you are disappointed by the lack of response and I can appreciate that you would have preferred a more enthusiatic review than mine, but at least it was honest. I was surprised that no-one else had started a thread before me and I did wonder if, having exposed myself, it might not provoke someone to come to your defence.

With regard to e-mail or even private messages, this is something I prefer not to use (in the same way that I never use smilies), don't know why. Probably some mental block - or maybe I am just mental.

If you do decide to re-develop it, even for your own satisfaction, may I make a suggestion or two? In the chapter concerning Rhodri you left yourself scope to expand the relationship between him and Yorath. Perhaps, Yorath could have been involved in the confrontation between Emrys/Cafael and Rhodri in the process at least gaining some revenge.

Similarly, the assault on Llangefni could be worked up into something much more. It is your world, but surely, although Cadell and Nysrogh had gained the upper hand there would be groups of priests and wizards of The God who would have to be eliminated or driven out before full ascendency could be achieved. The arrival of the defeated refugees, a few at a time, at LLangefni could be worked up to increase the sense of dread and foreboding.

Braith suddenly went from being an isolated slave boy with wizardly powers to a fully fledged wizard. The actual assault on Llangefni could have been used to allow him to gain insight into how he could use such power, perhaps by saving Cadfael from a trap which had been set for him and in so doing giving himself the self-respect which, as a slave, he did not have.

It is a skill for a story-teller to weave a tale in which the listener or reader gets involved and one which you have, so please do not let me from discourage you from creating more stories, even if you do not post them here, although that will be a loss.

Regards,

[Slammr (imported)]

Slammr,

I understand that you are disappointed by the lack of response and I can appreciate that you would have preferred a more enthusiatic review than mine, but at least it was honest. I was surprised that no-one else had started a thread before me and I did wonder if, having exposed myself, it might not provoke someone to come to your defence.

With regard to e-mail or even private messages, this is something I prefer not to use (in the same way that I never use smilies), don't know why. Probably some mental block - or maybe I am just mental.

If you do decide to re-develop it, even for your own satisfaction, may I make a suggestion or two? In the chapter concerning Rhodri you left yourself scope to expand the relationship between him and Yorath. Perhaps, Yorath could have been involved in the confrontation between Emrys/Cafael and Rhodri in the process at least gaining some revenge.

Similarly, the assault on Llangefni could be worked up into something much more. It is your world, but surely, although Cadell and Nysrogh had gained the upper hand there would be groups of priests and wizards of The God who would have to be eliminated or driven out before full ascendency could be achieved. The arrival of the defeated refugees, a few at a time, at LLangefni could be worked up to increase the sense of dread and foreboding.

Braith suddenly went from being an isolated slave boy with wizardly powers to a fully fledged wizard. The actual assault on Llangefni could have been used to allow him to gain insight into how he could use such power, perhaps by saving Cadfael from a trap which had been set for him and in so doing giving himself the self-respect which, as a slave, he did not have.

It is a skill for a story-teller to weave a tale in which the listener or reader gets involved and one which you have, so please do not let me from discourage you from creating more stories, even if you do not post them here, although that will be a loss.

Regards,

Colin: Thanks for the suggestions. I always appreciate constructive criticism-and your ideas definitely have merit. I wish you'd made them before I finished the story. I had no indication that anyone liked this story-so had little incentive to expand on the EA version of the story-although I might write a more mainstream version of it.

I have appreciated your comments about my stories-and I appreciate the one that started this thread, although I was a little pissed that the first comment I got on the story was a negative one. It was justified. At least you cared enough about the story to be dissapointed with the ending.

[colin (imported)]

Slammr,

You had every right to be pissed - I am only sorry that I was the one that provoked it.

Regards,

[Gil (imported)]

The tone of this thread is amazingly curious. Unless someone critiquing a story is launching ad hominem slurs, why would a writer be "pissed" by negative feedback? Subjecting our work to fair and open critique is how we become better writers. A writer who submits their work expecting nothing but strokes is well... McDonald's is hiring.

[Slammr (imported)]

The tone of this thread is amazingly curious. Unless someone critiquing a story is launching ad hominem slurs, why would a writer be "pissed" by negative feedback? Subjecting our work to fair and open critique is how we become better writers. A writer who submits their work expecting nothing but strokes is well... McDonald's is hiring.

And, focusing on one word, "pissed," you seemed have missed the rest of the exchange between Colin and me. Colin's comments, whether they "pissed" me or not, were constructive. Yours were not, particularly,

McDonald's is hiring.

[Paolo]

It's natural to be pissed after doing such work on something, and then the few-and-far-between comments come up negative. You may be pissed in general, but not pissed at the one who makes the comment. I do not read Slammr as being pissed at Colin. I CAN understand him being pissed at Gil tho for the "McDonald's" comment. That was uncalled for.

No, we do not pay Authors at EA in money.

But it is discouraging to not only display your works, but to display them in hopes that you've made someone else a bit happier only to hear nothing. It's nice to hear something ... even criticism, so long as it's constructive.

Now for my personal opinion:

I like Slammr's writing style and character development. He has written a lot of good stuff. I've exchanged ideas and pictures and story lines with Slammr before, and I always look forward to his next project. "Terry" was a bit much for me, and hard for me to read, but I eventually managed it and was glad that I did.

This comes under the heading of trust as well. I was able, and know that I am - in the future - able to post Slammr's stories based upon the readings of others if I know that it's something that's going to upset me. Before "Wizard" was ever posted, I was warned about the darker nature of it. While I didn't like it, I know that it's part of the story and that it's needed for this particular tale. If it were removed, it would not be the same story.

Is this Slammr's best story yet?

No.

And I don't have a problem saying that.

Do I like it?

Personally, no.

There are parts of it that are simply too much for me, yet I feel that that is the sign of powerful writing. It hits a nerve and causes an emotional response. Few writers can do that so effectively.

Could "Wizard" be tuned-up, so to speak?

Yes it could.

But with reactions such as he's gotten, why would it be?

[Slammr (imported)]

As Paolo said, I was never "pissed" at what Colin said about the story. Hell, I agree with him. I did rush to complete the story. If I was pissed, it was for the lack of response, either positive or negative that authors get here at EA. I would love to have constructive criticism on all my stories. I even posted "Wizard" to my website first, hoping for comments before I posted it to EA.

I often act on suggestions, incorporating them into my stories. Much of what I put into "Terry" came from two of my readers. One had been sentenced to prison as a seventeen year-old. The other had worked in Texas prisons. Their truths were harsher than my fiction.

Neither am I pissed because Paolo didn't like the story. Knowing that he and others would find parts of it objectionable, I loaded it with warnings so no one would be surprised. I usually strive for an emotional response to my stories, realizing that those responses aren't always going to be favorable.

Gil picked up on one word-pissed. He missed-or misunderstood-all else that was said, adding his own ad-hominem slur at the end.

[Gil (imported)]

As suggested, I re-read the entire thread (whilst working both feet out of my mouth), and came to the realization I'd taken a wrong turn on the "tone" issue on my first reading. I understand. My comments were indeed out of line with reality. To make something positive (for myself at any rate) of it though, I now can now appreciate what it is like to be the obnoxious drunk at the other end of the bar. Sorry for any discomfort I caused.