While I'm not sure when the current 'standard' vows were created, I'm pretty sure they've become completely outdated. And so I'd like to propose that we modernize them with something a little more accurate:

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you for the rest of your life. You have the right to whatever friends I deem appropriate. If there are no such friends, friends will be appointed for you. You have the right to an opinion. Such opinion will be provided for you at all times."

The new vows should end with the words: Say What!

Because when you say anything like those vows fast, a normal person says "What" and thereby agrees with whatever you said.

As IEunuch has said on so many occasions, the longest sentence in the english language is "I do."

He's definitely been married too long...several years too long.

MacTheWolf (imported) wrote: Sat Jan 19, 2008 2:36 pm As IEunuch has said on so many occasions, the longest sentence in the english language is "I do."

He's definitely been married too long...several years too long.

I agree completely. --FLO--

I always thought that the boxing referee should say the vows as in: --Okay, you know the rules no kicking (without permission), no biting, no scratching , no hitting below the belt and so forth and then at the end may be both of you win.

Poor IE...I "ass"umed his divorce would have been final by now. I really gotta get by the chat room soon!

Yeah, and people wonder here why I never got married...there hasn't been a successful one in the family since great-grandma - why bother???

Dave (imported) wrote: Sat Jan 19, 2008 10:35 am The new vows should end with the words: Say What!

Because when you say anything like those vows fast, a normal person says "What" and thereby agrees with whatever you said.

No no! If you want to stay married the groom answers with "I'm sorry and Yes Dear"

Paolo wrote: Sun Jan 20, 2008 9:01 am Yeah, and people wonder here why I never got married...there hasn't been a successful one in the family since great-grandma - why bother???

Oh, is that the reason?

I always assumed you couldn't find an overly-sexed, sane woman who could deal with a guy who dresses like Darth Vader's younger brother and flashes his light saber to ward off muggers.