HOW YOU CAN TELL IT’S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY

You wake up face down on the pavement

You put your bra on backwards and it fits better

You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold

You see a “60 Minutes” news team waiting in your office

You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren’t any

You turn on the news and they are showing emergency routes out of the city

Your twin sister forgot your birthday

You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then you realize that you don’t have a waterbed

Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell’s Angeles on the freeway

Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache

Your boss tells you not to bother to take your coat off

The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard

You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose

You call your answering service and they tell you it’s none of your business

Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife

Your income tax check bounces

Your wife says, “good morning, Bill” and your name is George

Your house payment, car payment, and your wife are all two months past due

lol, that sounds very bad