• I wish my brother would learn a trade so I'd know what kind of work he's always out of.

• The Harvard Medical School did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backwards is Not Now.

• Q. What don't Jewish mothers drink. A. It interferes with their suffering.

• Have you seen the new Jewish American Princess horror movie? It's called Debbie Does Dishes.

• What's a Jewish American Princess's favorite position? Facing Bloomingdales.

• Q. Where does a Jewish husband hide his money from his wife? A. Under the vacumn cleaner.

• There's a big controversy in the Jewish community on when life begins. In old Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable till it graduates from medical school.

• Short summary of a Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat.

• Q. What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother? A. Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

• My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. The only difference was that this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried .