"How to Install a Home Security System":

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work

boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a

copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

"Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for more

ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls

-- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad.

I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all

the blood.

PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside."

Yep.... that'll "get'er done!"