Some of you know that in recent times I have developed some serious regrets over my castration. For various reasons, I have chosen not to take HRT.

I am searching to see if there are others out there who regret castration but have decided to accept it rather than take HRT. How are you adjusting to it? How do you deal with any negative feelings you might have over your new state and all that goes with it?

If there is no one who can relate, perhaps someone knows of people who are in this situation or can provide a resource that can give information.

...

plix (imported) wrote: Mon Oct 23, 2006 2:12 pm I have developed some serious regrets over my castration....

Would you mind elaborating a bit on your "regrets"? According to your profile, your are 21 (+/- a smidgeon), and I am wondering if your age has something to do with your regrets. Maybe with a bit more information, assuming that you would be willing to share such, someone might be in a better position to offer advice or counsel. For me, right now, I cannot contribute anything that would be of likely value.

BTW, today is my fifth month anniversary, and I have no regrets whatsoever. But there are many perceived differences in our situations.

BudleyBare (imported) wrote: Mon Oct 23, 2006 4:25 pm Would you mind elaborating a bit on your "regrets"? According to your profile, your are 21 (+/- a smidgeon), and I am wondering if your age has something to do with your regrets. Maybe with a bit more information, assuming that you would be willing to share such, someone might be in a better position to offer advice or counsel. For me, right now, I cannot contribute anything that would be of likely value.

BTW, today is my fifth month anniversary, and I have no regrets whatsoever. But there are many perceived differences in our situations.

I was castrated mainly because of my gender issues. I have now concluded that I was mistaken, and that my identity is male. There was also a secondary reason of a libido I felt was too high, but now that I look back, I can see it wasn't as bad as I made it out to be.

I'd like to have that libido back, along with some function, which is where the regrets come from. Overall I don't think I made the right decision. I think I was a typical impulsive 20 year-old who didn't think things through in the long term.

You only have one option plix. You must use HRT (testosterone replacement). You will never get your balls back, though, because you are young you might eventually be able to get a testicle transplant. I suggest you see your primary care physician, tell them that you want to be placed on HRT and see what they offer. Androgel is easy and less problematic than patches. You just open the packet and rub it on. It's got an alcohol base, so don't rub it on your scrotum, it'll burn. Follow the instructions and you'll start feeling better in a day or two. You should start getting erections the same night.

If you don't have health insurance, compounded testosterone is cheaper. To buy Androgel for a month will cost you over $200. whereas you can buy a months supply of compounded testosterone for about $50-70 depending on what apothecary/pharmacy you use. You will still need a prescription for the compounded testosterone and you'll have to call around, not every pharmacy/apothecary does compounding. If you can't find a place that compounds testosterone, use the internet. You can fax your prescription and have it sent to you through the mail. Just "google" compounded testosterone and you'll get a list of pharmacies/apothecaries that will help you. If you need further advice, just email me. Hash

Hey Plix ,

As you probably already know...testosterone will almost certainly give you full libido and function back. The only thing you will be lacking is the ability to have children, and - although my figures are rusty - I think 1 in 10 intact males is infertile anyway. If you are attracted to a member of the same gender, then the children issue will almost become a non-issue.

But it would be good to work through these feelings before making another quick decision to go back on T!

Maybe the decision to be castrated was impulsive (I know it was with me too!). But there was a definite desire to be castrated, or else you (and I!) wouldn't have done it! I don't mean to belittle the issue, but if you can imagine buying an expensive car on impulse. That doesn't mean you didn't really like the car. In fact, the car seemed so good you couldn't help yourself but feel compelled to buy it immediately.

But the car is still good, and something you may have always wanted anyway. ... sorry to ramble so I guess I'm trying to say that an impulsive decision isn't necessarily a wrong decision, but could just as easily be the right decision made too quickly.

I don't know, but it would be good to remember that feeling you had before you had surgery. That the desire was there. You may believe that the libido issue (before castration!) wasn't as bad as you made it out to be. But clearly it was on your mind, or else it wouldn't have been a thought. Try to imagine what was going on in your life before surgery and allow yourself to feel those feelings again. If you had your testicles back, is it likely you would be thinking about castration now?

Difficult questions, and I'm not sure if they're supposed to be direct or rhetorical. Just worth thinking about

I must admit, I can't comment intelligently. If you desire being a true eunuch, then I don't know what it is you are trying to accept. Coping with something is usually what one does when they must face something they have no control over. Such as breakup, where they can't control the feelings or actions of the other person.

I said there were various reasons why I have chosen not to take HRT, and those reasons still apply. Some of them are as little as eunuch health benefits, and others are far more important.

So, no HRT.

I am mainly trying to learn how I can come to accept my choice and learn to live with it.

Well, Plix, we all do things we regret. Buying Enron stock, drawing on inside straights, getting castrated a bit impulsively. You're young enough that your life will still take you in directions that you've never imagined. And you've had one hell of an interesting learning experience, that's for sure.

As a person who's experienced life in at least three genders, only you can figure things out for yourself. A lot of it will come from yet more experience. From what I've seen, I think that you'd rather be an intact guy with a functioning sex drive and more energy. (Sound familiar?) It would be a lot easier to go back on testosterone now rather than deciding to try it ten years from now, after your body has had some time to adapt to things a bit more. Even if you decide that going without hormones, again, is for you, then you will really know for sure. Just be patient, as nonuts said, and you should probably keep a journal.

That said, don't expect it to be easy. Your body has had a year to adapt to its present state, and there's the whole issue of HRT not being a perfect replacement for natural testosterone. You know all this stuff. We're all here to lend you our support, as you've lent it to us.

Whatever you decide to do, we wish you the best of luck. Let us know how things work out.

plix (imported) wrote: Tue Oct 24, 2006 4:15 pm I said there were various reasons why I have chosen not to take HRT, and those reasons still apply. Some of them are as little as eunuch health benefits, and others are far more important.

So, no HRT.

I am mainly trying to learn how I can come to accept my choice and learn to live with it.

Ah, tradeoffs. I know that it's a bit personal, but would you be willing to elaborate on these other reasons, as they stand now? It seems that you have a love-hate relationship with the way things are now. We've seen the negative part earlier in this thread and in others, and you would certainly have good reasons to go on HRT if you chose to do so. I'm not trying to pressure you in any way, just trying to understand the tradeoffs that you face.

Dear plix,

Being a bit older than yourself, I believe you're going to find that as you go through life, there may or will be one than one decision you've made that you will end up regretting. I have a few of my own that I can confess to, i.e.; not acting on my feelings of GID at an earlier stage in my life, etc. But one of the things that I've come to find is that you CANNOT continue to carry those regrets with you. It's only going to make for a miserable existence.

What you do have to do is take whatever you can learn from the experience and apply this newly gained knowledge to making future decisions.

Don't regret something that can't be changed. It would be no different than having lost them due to medical reasons. Maybe...just maybe...there will be a reason for this in the future. You have a great deal of time ahead of you, so watch carefully for reason when it comes.

As you already know, you have many friends here that care for you as "family". We're always here so keep on sharing.