DICTIONARY OF MUSICAL TERMINOLOGY

Adagio Fromaggio: To play in a slow and cheesy manner.

A la Regretto: Tempo assigned to a performance by the conductor AFTER is is panned by the local music critics.

Al Dente Con Tableau: In opera, chew the scenery.

Allegro Con Brillo: The fastest way to wash pots and pans.

An Dante: A musical composition that is infernally slow.

Antiphonal: Referring to the prohibition of cell phones in the concert hall.

A Patella: Unaccompanied knee-slapping.

Appologgiatura: An ornament you regret after playing it.

Approximatura: A series of notes played by a performer and not intended by the composer, sepecially when disguised with an air of “I meant to do that.”

Bar Line: What musicians form after a concert.

Basso Continuo: The act of game fishing after the season has ended.

Basso Profundo: An opera about deep sea fishing.

Cacophany: Composition incorporating many people with chest colds.

Concerto Grosso: A really BAD performance.

Dill Piccolo: A wind instrument that plays only sour notes.

Fiddler Crabs: Grumpy string players.

Flute Flies: Gnat-like bugs that bother musicians playing out-of-doors.

Fog Horn: A brass instrument that plays when the conductor’s intentions are not clear.

Frugalhorn: A sensible, inexpensive brass instrument.

Gaul Blatter: A French horn player.

Grace Note: The I.O.U. you deposit in the church collection plate when you’re out of cash.

Kvetchendo: Gradually getting ANNOYINGLY louder.

Opera Buffa: Musical stage production at a nudist camp.

Pastorale: Beverage to drink in the country when listening to Beethoven with a member of the clergy.

Pipe Smoker: An extremely virtuosic organist.

Pizzacato: The act of removing anchovies from an Italian dish with short, quick motions and tossing them to a nearby awaiting feline.

Placebo Domingo: Faux tenor.

Rights of Strings: Manifest of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Bowed Instruments.

Rubato: Cross between a rhubarb and a tomato.

Schmaltzando: A sudden burst of music from the Guy Lombardo orchestra.

Spritzicato: Plucking of a stringed instrument to produce a bright, bubbly sound, usually accompanied by sparkling water with lemon (wine optional).

Tempo Tantrum: What a young orchestra is having when it’s not keeping time with the conductor.

Toiletto: The effect on the human voice of reverberation in small rooms with ceramic tiles.

Trouble Clef: Any clef one can’t read, e.g., the alto clef for pianists.

Woodwind: A noise in the game of golf, made by a club missing the ball on a tee shot.



–––with thanks to M.D. Rosenberg

Hi Hi Hi N3rf

nothing about accordians? OR even bagpipes?

I'm crushed

I have experienced Kvetchendo while in management. The chorus of workers voices continue to rise in tone and volume when they are assigned new tasks.