Thefraj has me thinking again. He brought up the idea for the post about reexamining our decisions we have made. One thing I have thought about is if I had not struggled with my gender dysphoria and spent all that energy trying to be something I wasn't where would I be today. Has anyone else felt that all the struggle, the not fitting in, trying to accept yourself and find out who you are might have kept you from achieving other goals? At 50 I feel my life is beginning again and as a eunuch I feel I can control my own fate. I wish I had this self knowledge earlier in life. Does anyone else feel this way?

I never felt like others seemed to feel. I just did not fit in as I thought I should. I did not have girl friends or boy friends. It is hard to call me a true gay for I never had any desires to be sexualy with a man. I do enjoy being with men far more then females.

Now that I am an true eunuch I seem to feel my body is more what it should be and that is asexual. I have for years called myself "neutrois" when asked my gender.

Normally I think it is cheating to use the poetry and works of other to express an idea or feeling but on this subject I think it appropriately sums up all that has been discussed.

ALONE

-Edgar Allan Poe

From childhood's hour I have not been

As others were; I have not seen

As others saw; I could not bring

My passions from a common spring.

From the same source I have not taken

My sorrow; I could not awaken

My heart to joy at the same tone;

And all I loved, I loved alone.

Then- in my childhood, in the dawn

Of a most stormy life- was drawn

From every depth of good and ill

The mystery which binds me still:

From the torrent, or the fountain,

From the red cliff of the mountain,

From the sun that round me rolled

In its autumn tint of gold,

From the lightning in the sky

As it passed me flying by,

From the thunder and the storm,

And the cloud that took the form

(When the rest of Heaven was blue)

Of a demon in my view.

Thank you Taylor,

The answer is YES,

as a eunuch I am finally who I have always been.

River

I memorized that poem a long time ago.

Thanks Tugon! It's humbling that you should mention my name with these thoughts, but really they are your own. Just a similar topic Sorry for not posting sooner! (it's been a random few days!)

I've wondered this too. Suppose I was not cut when I was, and was forced to accept living out my life being male - with urges and everything else - perhaps even an identity I was not comfortable with ... how would I have turned out?

Being castrated is probably not something the average male thinks about, so I would be pretending to be one of them, and perhaps even accepting a false identity? Maybe over time I would have learned to become more 'normal' by trying to put these thoughts far from my mind?

If this were so, where would I be today? How would it impact the rest of my life?

I'm not sure the answer is "positively" or "negatively", just "different". You would be different as a person, having this issue removed. Maybe without this part of you, you would be a different person?

If I hadn't had this issue? Where would I be?

I don't know.