A guy was traveling through Mexico on vacation when, lo and behold, he lost his wallet and all identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempts to make his way home but is stopped by the Customs Agent at the border.

"May I see your identification, please?" asks the agent.

"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replies the guy.

"Sure, Buddy. I hear that every day. No ID, no crossing the border," says the agent.

"But I can prove that I'm an American!" he exclaims. "I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one butt cheek and a picture of Richard Nixon on the other."

"This I gotta see," replies the agent.

With that, Joe drops his pants and bends over in front of the agent.

"By golly, you're right!" exclaims the agent. "Go on home to Texas."

"Thanks!" he says. "But how did you know I was from Texas?"

The agent replies, "I recognized the picture of George W Bush in the middle."

This really happened in Texas, on the border no less:

A female country school teacher from a local Texas township was out in the boonies interviewing a rancher, attempting to find out some information on the Mad Cow problem.

"Good evening, sir. I am here trying to collect some information on the possible source of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?"

The rancher stared at the school teacher and replied, "Miss, are you aware that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"

The lady school teacher, obviously embarrassed, replied, "Well, sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?"

"And, little Miss, did you know we milk cows twice a day?"

"Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?"

"I am getting to the point, Miss . Just think about this for a minute; if I was playing with your tits twice a day but only screwed you once a year, wouldn't you get mad too ?"

Thanks to both of you for starting my day with much laughter.

Two guys from Daniels County are sittin' in a boat at Fort Peck Montana fishing and suckin' down beer when all of a sudden Bill says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 6 months."

Earl sips his beer and says, "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."

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One Flaw In Women...

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their family and friends.

Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEY ARE WORTH THE WORLD TO THEIR FAMILY.

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