A stereotypical Texas braggart was taking a guided tour of the Scots' highlands and driving his guide to distraction by finding fault with everything he saw. No matter what it was, he claimed that Texas had it better. But when they came to Loch Katrine the Texan was finally impressed.

"What beautiful, clear, cool water!" he said. "That water would bring a pretty price in Texas. We have some engineers in Texas who I bet could lay a pipeline across the Atlantic to bring that water right to Texas." Turning to the guide he asked, with a twinkle as if he were making a great joke, "Do you think we could get the water across that way?"

"Aye," said the guide, "if ye can suck like ye blow you'll get it across."

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Patient (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 31, 2005 1:26 pm A stereotypical Texas braggart was taking a guided tour of the Scots' highlands and driving his guide to distraction by finding fault with everything he saw. No matter what it was, he claimed that Texas had it better. But when they came to Loch Katrine the Texan was finally impressed.

"What beautiful, clear, cool water!" he said. "That water would bring a pretty price in Texas. We have some engineers in Texas who I bet could lay a pipeline across the Atlantic to bring that water right to Texas." Turning to the guide he asked, with a twinkle as if he were making a great joke, "Do you think we could get the water across that way?"

"Aye," said the guide, "if ye can suck like ye blow you'll get it across."

.

Finally! Someone besides Slammr and me posted a Texas joke!

Good one Patient!

Studlover

Good one Patient!

Thank you, Studlover.

In my salad days there were hundreds of Texas jokes, mostly turning on Texans bragging about the size and history and virtues of their State; many of the jokes were reminiscent of the Paul Bunyan stories. Most of these jokes have disappeared in the two generations since Alaskan statehood. I regret their passage because many were rather clever, but I think their passage is a tribute to a particularly admirable trait of the American character: a love of, or at least a sympathy with, the underdog. When Texas ceased to be the largest state, ridiculing it or its citizens became shameful.

My absolute favorite of all the Texas stories was never a joke, but I love it because it accurately describes one of the most admirable virtues of the Texas character: a love of truth and of courtesy.

Patient (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 31, 2005 1:26 pm A stereotypical Texas braggart was

holding forth in a Manhattan night club. Nothing outside of Texas was at all admirable, the food, drink, and service in this establishment were especially unsatisfactory, and New Yorkers were particularly discourteous and stupid, to hear him tell it. After tolerating more than an hour of this abuse, four men at another table rose in unison, picked up the offender bodily, carried him out the back door and threw him into the alley among the garbage cans. Apparently they considered him unworthy of the front door and the gutter.

Then they went to the bartender, paid the offender's bill, identified his waitress and tipped her 50%, and returned to their table. The waitress, who thought that in 12 years of working Manhattan bars she had seen everything, stared at the bartender open-mouthed. He, having in fact seen everything in nearly 30 years of tending bar, told her, "Go over to their table and ask them where they are from." She did.

They were evenly divided. Two were from Dallas and two were from Fort Worth.

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Anyone who is less than 50 years old may have trouble believing this, but between about 1850 and 1950 most people who had a long distance to travel on land went by railroad. This led to the following dialog:

Texan, trying to impress an Englishman with the size of Texas: "In Texas you can get on a train in the morning and ride all day and all night and still be in Texas!"

Englishman, trying to be polite: "We too have trains like that."

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for the biggest joke of a Texan, look no further than the White House... unfortunately the steadily increasing number of casualties in Iraq arent very amused...

Patient (imported) wrote: Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:21 am Thank you, Studlover.

In my salad days there were hundreds of Texas jokes, mostly turning on Texans bragging about the size and history and virtues of their State; many of the jokes were reminiscent of the Paul Bunyan stories. Most of these jokes have disappeared in the two generations since Alaskan statehood. I regret their passage because many were rather clever, but I think their passage is a tribute to a particularly admirable trait of the American character: a love of, or at least a sympathy with, the underdog. When Texas ceased to be the largest state, ridiculing it or its citizens became shameful.

My absolute favorite of all the Texas stories was never a joke, but I love it because it accurately describes one of the most admirable virtues of the Texas character: a love of truth and of courtesy.

Patient (imported) wrote: Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:21 am 125458760]
A stereotypical Texas braggart was

holding forth in a Manhattan night club. Nothing outside of Texas was at all admirable, the food, drink, and service in this establishment were especially unsatisfactory, and New Yorkers were particularly discourteous and stupid, to hear him tell it. After tolerating more than an hour of this abuse, four men at another table rose in unison, picked up the offender bodily, carried him out the back door and threw him into the alley among the garbage cans. Apparently they considered him unworthy of the front door and the gutter.

Then they went to the bartender, paid the offender's bill, identified his waitress and tipped her 50%, and returned to their table. The waitress, who thought that in 12 years of working Manhattan bars she had seen everything, stared at the bartender open-mouthed. He, having in fact seen everything in nearly 30 years of tending bar, told her, "Go over to their table and ask them where they are from." She did.

They were evenly divided.
[/quote]
Two were from Dallas and two were from Fort Worth.

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I seem to recall that joke.

But you are so right about the young Texans today. Sadly, they haven't a clue to what our heritage is e.g. the mystic, the grandness, the proud and the list goes on.

Even if you recall that DFW airport was built to be the biggest in the world at the time because the mentality was that O"Hare Chicago was not going to outdo a Texan with biggest and the best. Alaska did do a lot to destroy the Texas heritage.

Studlover

Good old Hal, after seven decades of praising Texas at every opportunity, (especially the opportunities he made himself) finally went to meet his maker. But first he had to pass St. Peter, who gave him a withering look and said, "I suppose you may as well come in, but I warn you that you won't like it!

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