Fractured Fairy Tales

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Mary had a little pig,

She kept it fat and plastered;

And when the price of pork went up,

She shot the little bastard.

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MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB

Her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her,

Between two hunks of bread.

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JACK AND JILL Went up the hill

To have a little fun.

Stupid Jill forgot the pill

And now they have a son.

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SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,

"What have you got there?"

Said the Pie man unto Simon,

"Pies, you dumb #$%!"

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HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the kings' horses,

And all the kings' men.

Had scrambled eggs,

For breakfast again.

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HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,

All over the bedside clock.

The little dog laughed to see such fun.

Then died of electric shock.

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GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,

Kissed the girls and made them cry.

And when the boys came out to play,

He kissed them too 'cause he was gay

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There was a little girl who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, she was very, very good.

But when she was bad........

She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a new car!

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Little Miss Muffett sat on a tuffett,

Her knickers all tattered and torn,

It wasn't the spider that sat down beside her,

But Little Boy Blue with the horn.

Mary had a little lamb,

She also had a bear.

Many times I've seen her lamb,

I've never seen her bare.

Harry's in the garden,

Pegging out the smalls.

Down came a blackbird,

Which pecked him on the elbow.

Jack told Jill to take the pill,

And chase the pill with water.

But Jill forgot and Jack begot,

A bonny bouncing daughter.

Nympho-manical Jill,

Used a dynamite stick for a thrill,

They found her VAGINA...

In North Carolina...

...AND BITS OF HER TITS IN BRAZIL!...

:shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk :shakemitk



A-1

Mary had a metal cow,

She milked it with a spanner,

The milk came out in shilling tins,

With little ones a tanner.

(For those of you unfamiliar with pre-decimal UK coins, a tanner was a slang term for a sixpence, and a shilling was twice that. A spanner is what you North Americans call a wrench, can be open-ended or ring.)

Mary had a little lamb,

Its fleece was dusky pink.

And everywhere that Mary went,

It piddled in the sink.

Two wenches,

one 1-1/8" box,

one 1-5/8" open-end.

(This is not an error but I'm sure the original instructions were.)

Patient (imported) wrote: Thu Sep 01, 2005 3:37 pm Two wenches,

one 1-1/8" box,

one 1-5/8" open-end.

If you are hetero then there is nothing like a couple of wenches for tightening the nuts!

LOL

O................................................. ...k