WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?

General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know

how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers --

but imagine if they did . . .

HELPLINE: "General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"

HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"

CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"

HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery

and turns over the engine."

CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have

to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HELPLINE: "General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"

HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"

CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know!?"

HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle,

and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?"

CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?"

HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and

purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself,

or pay the vendor to install it for you."

CUSTOMER: "What!?" I paid $12,000. for this car! Now you tell me

that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car

that comes with everything built in!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HELPLINE: "General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?" CUSTOMER:

"Your cars suck!"

HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"

CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!" HELPLINE: "What were

you doing?"

CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator

pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while,

and then it crashed -- and now it won't start!"

HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What

do you expect us to do about it?"

CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that

doesn't crash anymore!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HELPLINE: "General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car

because it has automatic transmission, cruise control,

power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."

HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?"

HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"

CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?"

HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"

CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my

car!"

as a person who repairs things(while I dont work in the car industry)

I can relate very easily to the stuuupidity of the average person now days,

how do these people find there way to work and back, is beyond me

but what I am afraid of,with the averege American being a total ignoramus in geography, that one day the order will come to bomb Teheran or Damascus and they will bomb Moscow or Budapest

isnt that what onstar is there for? so they dont get lost

It is sad ,

crankshaft (imported) wrote: Mon Apr 02, 2007 6:16 pm but what I am afraid of,with the averege American being a total ignoramus in geography, that one day the order will come to bomb Teheran or Damascus and they will bomb Moscow or Budapest.

You never know.H.

Given the number of places in the US named after other places (Boston, Cambridge, New York, Memphis, Washington, Lincoln, Paris, Dallas....) the likelihood of there being a Damascus, TX is pretty high.

In fact given the fuss over the business of those "Freedon Fries", they may well have nuked Paris, Texas in mistake for Paris, France, and no-one's noticed yet.....

Is someone about to suggest that Teheran is the old name for Detroit?

BOMB DETROIT, BOMB DETROIT.

I would tell my users it was an EU error. when they asked what an EU error was I would tell them (user error).

BOMB DETROIT, BOMB DETROIT.

River

Yup. I work for a the cable company. Those conversations sound awful damn familiar...!