I loved this story, the setting was just brilliant!

I have looked for other stories by Rockballs and this seems to be his first, please keep writing; many people (including myself) do not post feedback often enough.

I for one really liked the concept and the method and setting used.

Many thanks for a good read.

Jamie.

There are a couple of points which I don't understand. Why didn't the victim drown ? He's screaming his head off under water. How long can he keep that up without filling his lungs with water ? Second, If the attacker could see his victim's face under water, as he mentions, why couldn't the victim see and recognize his attacker's face. He had seen him before and even talked with him. Why is there no mention of a police investigation of the attack ? I admit that the story is exciting, but there are these annoying loose ends to be tied up.

Bagoas,

I haven't read the story yet. I read very few of them. But, what you're seeing sounds like a very competent, but beginning, author. Rockballs probably reread his story AFTER it was posted, and beyond any repair efforts, and saw the same minor problems. With some positive reinforcement, he is likely to write a second story – even better than the first. If he gets hooked on writing (as many on the Archive have) he could become a far better writer over time than he already is.

It's nice to point out these minor glitches to beginning authors, but when I do it, I put it in a private message so as not to embarrass him for trivial problems.

My advice would be to write another story, set it aside for a week, and then reread it before posting it.

Basically, my advice to the author would be to keep up the good work. A little practice should work wonders on an already strong base.

Jesus

visibility - I just assumed that the person underwater (attacker) was wearing goggles, whilst the other was not.

Drowning - I did wonder myself, but thought it maybe possible that he kept popping up to the surface for the odd lung of air.

Police - well surely that question could be asked of many of the stories published on the archive? I think many authors forget the police aspect, rightly in my opinion, once the deed is done who needs to read another story about law enforcement.

Just my opinions, I'm not trying to have a go at Bagoas I think his point is valid with regards to the drowning.

Rockballs, please keep writing.

Jamie.

I'm not trying to have a go at Rockballs, either. Basically he has a very good story here. I can't claim not to have left loose ends in my stories either and the point is well made that these things usually show up after the story has been posted, when it's too late to do anything about it. These were only minor criticisms, things which left me wondering after I'd read the story. They certainly don't detract from the fact that it's an exciting yarn.

Rockballs, Thank you for very nice story.

It was really nice and fulfill all my fantasy

I really like big balls crushed by hand.

My fantasy is crushing big balls in my fist until they poped.

BBcrusher