For all of us old farts on the Archive – we all know who we are ….

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."

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An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.

"Yes, Dad, what is it?"

"Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me .. your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."

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Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

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The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for

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Some people try to turn back their odometers.

Not me. I want people to know "why" I look this way.

I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

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How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of taking algebra.

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You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

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I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

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One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

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Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

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Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.

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If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

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First you forget names. Then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper.

It's worse when you forget to pull it down.

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Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.

Today, it's called golf

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A WELL PLANNED LIFE?

Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school.

One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school,

Did you manage to live a well-planned life? "

" Yes," said her friend.

"My first marriage was to a millionaire;

my second marriage was to an actor;

my third marriage was to a preacher;

and now I'm married to an undertaker."

Her friend asked, "What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life?"

"One for the money,

two for the show,

three to get ready,

and four to go.

Why I Play Golf - Lineage Is Everything...

I'm a golfer," says the old guy, "and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways."

"Well," says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?"

"Who said my dad's dead?"

The doctor is amazed. "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive. How old is he?"

"He's 100 years old," says the old golfer. "In fact he golfed with me this morning, and that's why he's still alive, he's a golfer too."

"Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"

"Who said my grandpa's dead?"

Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grand-father's still living! Incredible, how old is he?"

"He's 118 years old," says the old golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?"

"No, Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he¹s getting married today."

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. "Getting married!!

Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?"

"Who said he wanted to?"