The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in

which readers are

asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.

The following were some of this year's winning

entries:

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1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much

weight you have

gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having

a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while

drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which

you absentmindedly

answer the door in your nightie.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks

you up after you

are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor

assumed by

proctologist immediately before he examines you.

13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his

conversation with Yiddish

expressions.

14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of

boxer shorts.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you

die, your soul

goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

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