More Dead Cat Jokes
Posted: Sun Feb 06, 2005 1:23 pm
Why are dead cats fatter than live cats?
The live cats are the ones that can run faster than dogs.
Why was nearsightedness fatal for the dead cat?
He thought he was climbing onto an ottoman, and it turned out to be a sleeping Saint Bernard.
Why do we know there are a lot of dead cats in hell?
Because you aren't allowed to lick your hind end in heaven.
Why do so many dead cats have four broken legs?
That's what happens when you fall out of a hundred-foot tree, and land on your feet.
How do you know which cats have had near-death experiences?
They're the ones that have short tails, with a dog's teeth marks at the end.
When do you know that a cat has been dead for an hour or more?
When he doesn't have any saliva on his anus.
What were the last words heard by the dead cat?
"Look, Mama, that kitty is going into the doghouse."
Why do most cats die in the morning?
Because most dogs sleep in the afternoon.
What was the practical joke that the dogs played on the dead cat on a windy day?
They put vodka in his milk, then chased him up an aspen tree.
Why do cats get fatigued when they commit suicide?
Because they have to do it nine times.
Why was the dead cat found with a charred tail, in the breakfast nook?
He didn't realize he could get his tail caught in the toaster.
The live cats are the ones that can run faster than dogs.
Why was nearsightedness fatal for the dead cat?
He thought he was climbing onto an ottoman, and it turned out to be a sleeping Saint Bernard.
Why do we know there are a lot of dead cats in hell?
Because you aren't allowed to lick your hind end in heaven.
Why do so many dead cats have four broken legs?
That's what happens when you fall out of a hundred-foot tree, and land on your feet.
How do you know which cats have had near-death experiences?
They're the ones that have short tails, with a dog's teeth marks at the end.
When do you know that a cat has been dead for an hour or more?
When he doesn't have any saliva on his anus.
What were the last words heard by the dead cat?
"Look, Mama, that kitty is going into the doghouse."
Why do most cats die in the morning?
Because most dogs sleep in the afternoon.
What was the practical joke that the dogs played on the dead cat on a windy day?
They put vodka in his milk, then chased him up an aspen tree.
Why do cats get fatigued when they commit suicide?
Because they have to do it nine times.
Why was the dead cat found with a charred tail, in the breakfast nook?
He didn't realize he could get his tail caught in the toaster.