The Photographer

[Studlover (imported)]

The Photographer

The Jones's were unable to conceive children, and elected to use a

surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was

to arrive, Mr. Jones kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should

be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer

rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come

to..."

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Jones cut in.

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of

babies."

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a

seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the

couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor

is fun too; you can really spread out!"

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and

me."

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we

try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,

I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot of. . . " gasped Mrs. Jones.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in

and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm

sure."

"Don't I know it," Mrs. Jones said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his

baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."

"Oh my God!!" Mrs. Jones exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their

mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Jones.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the

job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing

to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Jones, eyes widened in amazement.

"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The

mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly

concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots.

Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just

packed it all in."

Mrs. Jones leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your

...equipment?"

"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so

that we can get to work."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big

for me to hold very long."

"Madam? Madam?... Good Lord, she's fainted!"

[Andrew (imported)]

They called the stupid jerk "Wade Shoes" because he wore big spongy clown shoes while wading in pools, fountains, mud puddles and such, and then he would traipse all over people's papers or whatever they had on the ground. I saw a musician in the park writing words and music to a blues tune, with his papers scattered all around, and I can attest that it did no good for the musician to yell, "Don't step on my blues, Wade Shoes!"

[twaddler (imported)]

I love this one much.