Q.'s Actually Asked Witnesses During Trials
Posted: Wed Jan 26, 2005 11:37 am
Someone posted a thread to this effect earlier, but this is more elaborate. A friend of mine knows a lawyer who sent it to him...
The Massachusetts Bar Assocition Lawyers Journal reported the following questions ACTUALLY asked of witnesses during trials ....
1. Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
2. The youngest son, the 21 year old, how old is he?
3. Were you alone or by yourself?
4. Were you present when your picture was taken?
5. Did he kill you?
6. Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
7. How far apart were the vehicle at the time of the collision?
8 You were there until the time you left, is that true?
9. How many times have you committed suicide?
10 Q So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
A. Yes.
Q. And what wer you doing at that time?
11. Q. She had 3 children, right?
A. Yes
Q. How many were boys?
A. None.
Q. Were there any girls?
12. Q You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A. Yes
Q. And these staris, did they go up also?
13. Q You went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A. I went to Europe, sir
Q. And you took your new wife?
14. Q How as your first marriage terminated?
A. By death
Q. And by who's death was it terminated?
15. Q Can you describe the individual?
A. He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q. Was this a male, or a female?
16. Q Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A. No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
17. Q Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A. All of my autopsies are performed on dead people
18. Q All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you to to?
A. Oral
19. Q. Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A. The autopsy started around 8:30 pm
Q. And Mr Dennington was dead tha the time?
A. No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
20. Q. You were not shot in the fracas?
A. No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
21. Q. Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A. I have been since early childhood.
Q. Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A. No
Q. Did you check for blood pressure?
A. No
Q. Did you check for breathing?
A. No
Q. So then, it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A. No
Q. How can you be so sure, doctor?
A. Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar
Q. But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A. It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere!
The Massachusetts Bar Assocition Lawyers Journal reported the following questions ACTUALLY asked of witnesses during trials ....
1. Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
2. The youngest son, the 21 year old, how old is he?
3. Were you alone or by yourself?
4. Were you present when your picture was taken?
5. Did he kill you?
6. Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
7. How far apart were the vehicle at the time of the collision?
8 You were there until the time you left, is that true?
9. How many times have you committed suicide?
10 Q So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
A. Yes.
Q. And what wer you doing at that time?
11. Q. She had 3 children, right?
A. Yes
Q. How many were boys?
A. None.
Q. Were there any girls?
12. Q You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A. Yes
Q. And these staris, did they go up also?
13. Q You went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A. I went to Europe, sir
Q. And you took your new wife?
14. Q How as your first marriage terminated?
A. By death
Q. And by who's death was it terminated?
15. Q Can you describe the individual?
A. He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q. Was this a male, or a female?
16. Q Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A. No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
17. Q Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A. All of my autopsies are performed on dead people
18. Q All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you to to?
A. Oral
19. Q. Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A. The autopsy started around 8:30 pm
Q. And Mr Dennington was dead tha the time?
A. No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
20. Q. You were not shot in the fracas?
A. No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
21. Q. Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A. I have been since early childhood.
Q. Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A. No
Q. Did you check for blood pressure?
A. No
Q. Did you check for breathing?
A. No
Q. So then, it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A. No
Q. How can you be so sure, doctor?
A. Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar
Q. But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A. It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere!