You Might Be A Redneck If . . .

1. . . you were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw

out your Elvis 45's.

2. . . you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.

3. . . your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.

4. . . you no longer drink wine ever since the screw cap got caught up

your nose.

5. . . you think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

6. . . that billboard that says, "Say No To Crack" reminds you to pull

up your jeans.

7. . . your wife's hairdo was ever ruined by a ceiling fan.

8. . . you go to your family reunions looking for a date.

9. . . you think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

10. . . your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

11. . . you've got more than three cousins named "Bubba".

. . . you have an Elvis Jell-O mold.

12. . . taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

13. . . you've got more than one other named "Darryl".

14. . . you ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin' contest.

15. . . on Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.

16. . . you've ever come home and found crime scene tape across your

front porch.

17. . . your favorite entree is Spam barbecued on the grill.

18. . . your child's first words were, "Attention K-Mart shoppers!".

19. . . your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-

zapper.

20. . . your whole family is Democrats except little Mary. She got to

readin'.

21. . . you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are

"Gentlemen, start your engines."

22. . . you kissed your own wife at midnight at the New Year's Eve

party.

23. . . you've ever taken reading material into an airplane restroom.

24. . . you've ever gotten an official letter of recognition from a

tobacco or beer company.

25. . . you vacuum the sheets instead of washing them.