The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a

man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own

hands!

This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in

the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?

SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?

SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?

SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.

SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!

ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?

SAFER: Could we be overreacting?

SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.

ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?

SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.

SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?

SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.

SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!

ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

Another thing to giggle about...

My significant other, not happy with

mood swings, had me buy her a mood ring the other day so she would be able

to monitor her moods. When she's in a good mood, it turns green. When she's

in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on my forehead.

Maybe next time I'll buy her diamonds.

Here, have some chocolate....