Actual 6th Grade Test Answers

[Studlover (imported)]

Actual answers to various 6th grade history tests:

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in

hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah

is

such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made

unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses

went

up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever

reached Canada.

3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we

wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female

moth.

5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people

advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits,

and

threw the java.

7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The

Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made

king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard

Shaw.

9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a

success.

When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."

10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg

invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was

the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure

because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Fransis Drake

Circumsized the world with a 100-foot clipper.

11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare.

He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made

much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,

comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and

Juliet

are an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by

Juliet.

12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes.

He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton

wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented

Congress.

Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of

the

Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing

two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot

stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's

mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built

with

his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the

Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went

to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving

picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a

supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large

number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he

kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the

most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half

German half Italian and half English. He was very large.

16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he

wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone

was

calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and

inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing

by

machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to

spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the

work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis.

Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species.

Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx

Brothers.

[Riverwind (imported)]

Oh my,

These were great but the best was #10

Circumsized the world with a 100-foot clipper.

http://www.eunuch.org/Public/Images/ea1 ... ea1/E9.gif

Funny stuff,

Thanks

River

[kb57z (imported)]

2. Moses ... died before he ever reached Canada.

The Parting of the Red Sea was a cover story - the Israelites were ferried over in black helicopters.....

14

. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation.

Some people still think that the word 'emancipation' in the published version was an erroneous correction by the Congressional spell check program.

[Studlover (imported)]

The Parting of the Red Sea was a cover story - the Israelites were ferried over in black helicopters.....

Some people still think that the word 'emancipation' in the published version was an erroneous correction by the Congressional spell check program.

In my years of teaching, I have had similar comments from elementary level kids in music. Someday, I will find the entire list of comments made about music which are hilarious! However, it helps if one is musically inclined to undertand the subtleties.

SL