Fun Things to do to Wal-Mart
Posted: Sun Dec 19, 2004 8:21 am
So, the Christmas shopping is all done and now youre bored and waiting?
What to do with the last week of the Season?
Well, considering that the Wal-Mart corporation netted something like 320 billion dollars, thats $320,000,000,000.00 AFTER taxes and what payroll they put out, theyre the perfect target (I mean place) to have fun.
Here are few things you can do that are entertaining, but I cant guarantee that you wont get arrested.
1. NASCAR originated at Wal-Mart. Bored husbands began circling the parking lot, hoping to pick up their wives and what little money was left at the finish line by the front door. Eventually, someone turned it into a race and put in grandstands when they saw the races going on. You should get all your friends and drag race around the parking lot. Much like the old movie DeathRace 2000, the old people in wheelchairs are worth more points and you can also score the cart boys in orange. For more info on this movie, look it up online one of Sylvester Stallones early roles. (Thanks for the idea, Dave.)
2. Shopping cart races someone gets IN the cart, and someone pushes it. Think demolition derby. Wear a helmet.
3. Now that youre IN the store, tip the door greeter. He or she will have NO clue what to do with that dollar.
4. More shopping cart races IN the store.
5. Ride a new bicycle up and down the aisles.
6. Go to sporting goods and set up a bowling alley in the aisle.
7. Set up a camping tent and stove. If youre in a SuperCenter, grab some food and cook it. Move on in.
8. Test out the bow and arrows in the laundry detergent aisle.
9. At the gun counter, wait until the clerk is distracted and load the gun. Blow a hole in the ceiling. Thatll take care of those long checkout lines really quick!
10. Get a fishing pole and put a $5 bill on the hook. See how many kids you can catch with it.
11. Offer some kid $20 to put on a good cry show and call a fake CODE ADAM. Tip his parents too so he wont get in trouble. Thatll make those people in a hurry to get out really insane when they cant leave.
12. Shut off the water valves to the toilets, and then leave after flushing them all.
13. Drop things like Preparation H, Kotex, and condoms into the carts of unsuspecting customers.
14. Insist on counting the pills in the Tylenol 500 bottle. They do short you, you know.
15. Scan your butt with the Kodak Picture Mangler machine. Print several 8x10s, then leave.
16. Smash a donut on the Kodak machine glass, close the lid, and walk away.
17. If there are pets ask to see hamsters or rats, and then turn them loose in the poinsettia display.
18. If there is a lobster tank, drop some Alka-Seltzer in it. My personal favorite. The lobsters will thank you.
19. Tell the cashier who doesnt bother to check your signature that you found the Visa card on the floor.
20. Moon the security cameras.
21. Sneak into the break room and steal a smock. Pretend you work there and be rude to customers.
22. Wind a disposable camera, take a picture of your nether regions, and put it back on the shelf. Use a flash.
23. Find a virus online and store it on a floppy in quarantine. Put it on the demo computers.
24. Lock the demo computers with a password and a naughty screen saver.
25. Try on every pair of shoes in your size, and then leave them out.
26. Take some ladies lingerie to the mens fitting room. Make sure someone sees you.
27. You have to have an APS system film camera to do this, but take a 40 exposure roll of panoramas of the store. Set the autoprint feature to 9 each, drop it off at the 1-Hour lab, and dont come back for it. Ever.
28. Have your favorite photo lab soak a roll of film in film bleach overnight. Dry it. Make sure it winds. Take it to Wal-Mart for processing. This will blow their chemical, as well as ruin everyone elses film.
29. Distract the photo guy and urinate in the developer supply tank of the paper printer. This will destroy not only the chemical, but the internal rollers as well.
30. More cart races. If you have a blow-up doll, take her too.
31. Get an All-For-One remote, program it, and channel surf the TVs endlessly.
32. Lunch break hit the snack bar and complain about the quality of the food.
33. Better yet have pizza delivered to the snack bar. Use the employees name.
34. Groceries look close and pull the plugs on the coolers.
35. Go to the photo studio, pose, and order a huge package. Then leave.
36. Eat while standing in line to checkout and present the cashier with empty packages.
37. Burp loudly.
38. Wrap your purchases BEFORE you checkout.
39. Question every price that comes up.
40. And last but not least, buy something heavy and huge and then take it back later!
What to do with the last week of the Season?
Well, considering that the Wal-Mart corporation netted something like 320 billion dollars, thats $320,000,000,000.00 AFTER taxes and what payroll they put out, theyre the perfect target (I mean place) to have fun.
Here are few things you can do that are entertaining, but I cant guarantee that you wont get arrested.
1. NASCAR originated at Wal-Mart. Bored husbands began circling the parking lot, hoping to pick up their wives and what little money was left at the finish line by the front door. Eventually, someone turned it into a race and put in grandstands when they saw the races going on. You should get all your friends and drag race around the parking lot. Much like the old movie DeathRace 2000, the old people in wheelchairs are worth more points and you can also score the cart boys in orange. For more info on this movie, look it up online one of Sylvester Stallones early roles. (Thanks for the idea, Dave.)
2. Shopping cart races someone gets IN the cart, and someone pushes it. Think demolition derby. Wear a helmet.
3. Now that youre IN the store, tip the door greeter. He or she will have NO clue what to do with that dollar.
4. More shopping cart races IN the store.
5. Ride a new bicycle up and down the aisles.
6. Go to sporting goods and set up a bowling alley in the aisle.
7. Set up a camping tent and stove. If youre in a SuperCenter, grab some food and cook it. Move on in.
8. Test out the bow and arrows in the laundry detergent aisle.
9. At the gun counter, wait until the clerk is distracted and load the gun. Blow a hole in the ceiling. Thatll take care of those long checkout lines really quick!
10. Get a fishing pole and put a $5 bill on the hook. See how many kids you can catch with it.
11. Offer some kid $20 to put on a good cry show and call a fake CODE ADAM. Tip his parents too so he wont get in trouble. Thatll make those people in a hurry to get out really insane when they cant leave.
12. Shut off the water valves to the toilets, and then leave after flushing them all.
13. Drop things like Preparation H, Kotex, and condoms into the carts of unsuspecting customers.
14. Insist on counting the pills in the Tylenol 500 bottle. They do short you, you know.
15. Scan your butt with the Kodak Picture Mangler machine. Print several 8x10s, then leave.
16. Smash a donut on the Kodak machine glass, close the lid, and walk away.
17. If there are pets ask to see hamsters or rats, and then turn them loose in the poinsettia display.
18. If there is a lobster tank, drop some Alka-Seltzer in it. My personal favorite. The lobsters will thank you.
19. Tell the cashier who doesnt bother to check your signature that you found the Visa card on the floor.
20. Moon the security cameras.
21. Sneak into the break room and steal a smock. Pretend you work there and be rude to customers.
22. Wind a disposable camera, take a picture of your nether regions, and put it back on the shelf. Use a flash.
23. Find a virus online and store it on a floppy in quarantine. Put it on the demo computers.
24. Lock the demo computers with a password and a naughty screen saver.
25. Try on every pair of shoes in your size, and then leave them out.
26. Take some ladies lingerie to the mens fitting room. Make sure someone sees you.
27. You have to have an APS system film camera to do this, but take a 40 exposure roll of panoramas of the store. Set the autoprint feature to 9 each, drop it off at the 1-Hour lab, and dont come back for it. Ever.
28. Have your favorite photo lab soak a roll of film in film bleach overnight. Dry it. Make sure it winds. Take it to Wal-Mart for processing. This will blow their chemical, as well as ruin everyone elses film.
29. Distract the photo guy and urinate in the developer supply tank of the paper printer. This will destroy not only the chemical, but the internal rollers as well.
30. More cart races. If you have a blow-up doll, take her too.
31. Get an All-For-One remote, program it, and channel surf the TVs endlessly.
32. Lunch break hit the snack bar and complain about the quality of the food.
33. Better yet have pizza delivered to the snack bar. Use the employees name.
34. Groceries look close and pull the plugs on the coolers.
35. Go to the photo studio, pose, and order a huge package. Then leave.
36. Eat while standing in line to checkout and present the cashier with empty packages.
37. Burp loudly.
38. Wrap your purchases BEFORE you checkout.
39. Question every price that comes up.
40. And last but not least, buy something heavy and huge and then take it back later!