A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter

The bartender walks up and asks, “What's in the bag?”

The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high. He sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He then reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano.

The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart!

"Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender.

The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says, "Here. Rub it."

The bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. "I will grant you one wish, just one wish. Each person is only allowed one!"

The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, "I want a million bucks!" A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!

The bartender turns to the man and says, "Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."

"Tell me about it!!" says the man, "do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist!

Didja hear the one about the drunk in a bar who is quietly getting sloshed

when a monkey belonging to the piano player walks over and pisses in his beer...

The drunk goes over and taps the bartender and says:

"DO YOU KNOW YOUR MONKEY PISSED IN MY BEER?"

and the piano player says:

"no, but if you hum a few bars, I can fake it!"

(ARGHH)