On this 40th anniversary of the Free Speech Movement in Berkeley I was going through my old files and found this jewel. (Yes, I was a student there on Sproul Plaza!)

How to Cook a Berkeley Student

Ingredients:

One large or two small Berkeley Students

Ketchup

2 large cloves garlic

Crisco or other solid vegetable shortening (Lard may be substituted)

1 keg of cheap beer

1 lb. alfalfa sprouts

2 lbs. assorted health foods, such as tofu or yogurt

- - - - - - - - - - -

First, catch a Berkeley Student. Remove the tail and horns. Carefully separate the large ego and reserve for sauce. Remove any pencils, calculators, slide rules, or illegal drugs and discard.

Clean the Student as you would squid, but do not separate the tentacles from the body. If you have an older Student, such as a Graduate Student in Math, you may wish to tenderize by pounding the Student on a rock with a surfboard or other flat heavy object.

Next, pour 1/2 of the keg of beer into a bathtub and soak the Student in the beer for at least 12 hours. (If you Student belonged to a fraternity you may skip this step.) When the Student is sufficiently soaked, remove any clothes the Student may be wearing and rub it all over with the garlic. Then cover the Student with Crisco, using a slow circular motion, and taking care to cover every inch of the Student’s body with the shortening.

If it looks like fun, you may also cover your own body with Crisco. Be sure to remove your clothes first, if you do.

Now post a request for Rogue source to net.general. Be sure to ask what “S.O.” and “M.O.T.A.S.” mean. Post at least 3 copies of this to ensure adequate flames for cooking your Student.

When the flames have died down to a medium inferno, place your Student on top of your terminal until it’s well tanned and the hair turns bleached blond.

Be careful not to overcook, or the Berkeley Student may become radical.

Make a sauce by combining the previously reserved ego, the alfalfa sprouts, and ketchup to taste. Redirect the output to your blender and puree until smooth.

Slice the Berkeley Student as you would any turkey, and serve accompanied by the assorted health foods and the remaining beer.

Oh, to walk down Telegraph Avenue again, read for a couple of hours in Bancroft Library, and eat a bockwurst sandwich with brown mustard, at the old hot dog shop off Hearst Street. But I was there a couple of years ago, and the place is all different. Sic transit gloria mundi. One thing that has improved--the football team wins more games now.

I remember the last time I was at Berkeley, for a football game with San Jose St. Of course I was a SJS fan, afterall a few weeks before we beat stanford, with our coach Elway and his son John playing for stanford. Now I have dated myself as Elway retired from football 5 years ago. So call it 1981 or 1982, that was a long time ago in a different life.

RW

Thank you, Jesus.

Of course, if she is a pretty female, I would consider eating her RAW.

heh heh heh...

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