THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM CHILDREN...

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot

house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with

roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3 year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded

restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong

enough to rotate a 42

pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong

enough, however, if tied to a

paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When

using the ceiling fan as

a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

A ceiling fan can hit a

baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit

by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already

too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36

year-old man says they can

only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on

an overcast day.

10. Certain LEGO's will pass through the digestive tract of a four

year old.

11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same

sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still

can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercial show

they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not

like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5 minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms

dizzy.

22. It will however make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

23.) Chewy does not, in fact, stop the chatter.

24.) Dogs don't like blueberry yogurt.

25.) A six year old is not the best judge of how much backing-up room you have in the driveway.

26.) Pet crawdads have a lifespan of less than six hours, and they become quite fragrant very quickly once they shuffle off their mortal coils.

27.) Indoors, captive pet lightening bugs don't live overnight. The ones that fly free in the house live for weeks.

28.) A child who has been healthy for two years runs a fever of 104 as soon as his/her parents change jobs and are out of health insurance for 30 days. This chance of this happening triples over a holiday weekend.

29.) Though they lie like rugs daily, children will tell their teachers and grandparents the absolute truth when it's the most inappropriate.

30.) If there's a dwarf or very fat guy at the grocery store, a child will be magnetically drawn in that direction, and announce that person's presence, description and location to everyone within a hundred feet.

How about - - The fire extinguisher is loaded with powdery dust and that's hard to clean up...

How about - who said you could paint the door (your face, the car, your room...) blue?