Bad funnies
Posted: Tue Sep 07, 2004 6:07 am
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1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one
carrion allowed per passenger.
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood
and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
lesser of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire
in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak
and heat it.
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He goes to
the bar and announces, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? He wanted to see if he could transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in th! e lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of his office and asked them to disperse.
But why, they asked as they moved off. Because he couldn't stand chess nuts
boasting in an open foyer.
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that
she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.
8. These friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened up
a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in
town to persuade them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their
store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified,
they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist
friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him what? (Oh, man this is so bad, it's good.) A
super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one
carrion allowed per passenger.
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood
and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
lesser of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire
in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak
and heat it.
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He goes to
the bar and announces, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? He wanted to see if he could transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in th! e lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of his office and asked them to disperse.
But why, they asked as they moved off. Because he couldn't stand chess nuts
boasting in an open foyer.
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that
she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.
8. These friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened up
a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in
town to persuade them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their
store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified,
they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist
friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him what? (Oh, man this is so bad, it's good.) A
super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
