No nursing home for me! I' m checking into the Holiday Inn!

With the average cost for a nursing home per day reaching $188.00, there is

a better way when we get old and feeble. I have already checked on

reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long-term stay discount and

senior discount, it's $49.23 per night.

That leaves $138.77 a day for:

1. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service.

2. Laundry, gratuities, and special TV movies.

Plus, they provide a swimming pool, a workut room, a lounge, washer, dryer,

etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and

soap. They treat you like a customer, not a patient. $5.00 worth of tips a

day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The handicap bus

will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp.)

To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays.

For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the

nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere.

Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your

reservation today. And you are not stuck in one place forever, you can move

from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a

Holiday Inn there, too.

TV broken? light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem.

They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience. The Inn has a night

security person and daily room service. The maid checks if you are OK. If

not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulence. If you fall and break a

hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a

suite for the rest of your life.

And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find

you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. The grandkids can

use the pool. What more can you ask for?

So, when I reach the golden age I'll face it with a grin. Just forward all

my emails to the Holiday Inn!"

Upon telling this story at a dinner with friends and too much red wine, we

came up with even more benefits the Holiday Inn provides to retirees:

Most standard rooms have coffeeemakers, reclining chairs, and satellite

TV--all you need to enjoy a cozy afternoon. After a movie and a good nap,

you can check on your children (free local phone calls), then take a stroll

to the lounge or restaurant where you meet new and exotic people very day.

Many Holiday Inns even feature live entertainment on weekends. Often they

have special offers, too, like the Kids Eat Free Program. You can invite

your grandkids over after school to have a free dinner with you. Just tell

them not to bring more than three friends. Pick a Holiday Inn where they

allow pets, and your best friend can keep you company as well.

If you want to travel but are a bit skittish about unfamiliar surroundings,

in a Holiday Inn you'll always feel at home because wherever you go, the

rooms all look the same.

And if you're getting a little absent-minded in your old days, you never

have to worry about not finding your room--your electronic key fits only one

door and the helpful bellman or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.

Being perma-skeptics, we called a Holiday Inn to check this story out--and

are happy to report that they were positively giddy at the idea of us

checking in for a year or more. They even offered to negotiate the rate (we

could have easily knocked them down to $40 a night!)

See you at the Inn!

It was probably made before the hotel chain was founded, but wasn't there a Bing Crosby film entitled, Holiday Inn? Hotels can be interesting places.

An Onymus (imported) wrote: Wed May 19, 2004 10:52 pm It was probably made before the hotel chain was founded, but wasn't there a Bing Crosby film entitled, Holiday Inn? Hotels can be interesting places.

Now that you mentioned it, I think there was a film like that. I cannot remember the title of it nor the plot.

Studlover

Old Aunt Bea, was in a nursing home, wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car. As she's going down the hall, old George jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am, but you were speeding. Can I please see your driver's license?"

Bea digs in her purse and pulls out a candy wrapper, and

hands it to him. George looks it over, gives her a warning

and sends her on her way. Up and down the halls she goes again. Again, the same thing, old George jumps out of room and says, "Excuse me ma'am, but I saw you cross the center line back there. Can I see your registration?"

She digs around in her purse and pulls out an ancient receipt and hands it to him. He looks over it, gives her another warning, and sends her on her away.

She zooms off again up and down the halls, weaving all over. As she comes to the old man's room again, he jumps out. He's stark naked and sporting an erection.

Old Aunt Bea stops so fast she does a brody in her wheelchair, looks up and says, "Oh no-not the breathalyzer again!!"

A-1

RW