What My Mother Taught Me ...

(Copied from the Internet)

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you’re going to

kill each other, do it outside, I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION: "You better pray that will come out of the

carpet."

My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL: "If you don’t straighten up, I’m going

to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that’s why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in

case you’re in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY: "Keep crying and I’ll ‘give’ you something to

cry about."

My mother taught me OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM: "Will you look at the dirt on the back

of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA: "You’ll sit there ‘till all that

spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about the WEATHER: "It looks as if a tornado swept

through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS: "If I yelled because I

saw a meteor coming toward you; you would listen then?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY: "If I’ve told you once, I’ve told

you a million times – don’t exaggerate!"

My mother taught me about THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this

world and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your

father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate

children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do."