A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly

dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him

For a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If

I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need everything I

can get just to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of

food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf

in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district

instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the

homeless man.

Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money.

Instead,

I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my

wife."

The homeless man was astounded.

"Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm

dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see what a man

Looks like who's given up beer, gambling, golf, and sex."

Mark Twain once observed that after you gave up all your bad habits like cigars, bourbon, fine foods, and wanton hussies; When the doctors came and said "give up your bad habits or die" you really had no choice but to die. After all, you've got no bad habits to give up anymore. . .

So I will keep my vices - hot, screaming, temper tantrums about politics, cocksucking, lamb osso bucco, and spending too much money on books and CD's.

So keep those bad habits, dudes. Especially the ones involving jalopena's and alcohol preserved worms...