Actual Ads from New York Times.

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG. BITES.

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL,1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG.

FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD, PART STUPID DOG.

GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE...BETTER

BE A REWARD.

SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY.

HUMMERS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER - "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"

GEORGIA PEACHES, CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.

OPEN HOUSE: BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON. FREE COFFEE & DONUTS.

(AND THE BEST ONE)

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica - no

longer needed. Got married last month. Wife knows everything.

I can guarantee this is a free ad, since I wrote it about 20 years ago, after my dog presented me with a surprise litter:

FREE PUPPIES, WORMED AND VACCINATED. MOTHER IS AKC SIBERIAN HUSKY WITH GOOD DISPOSITION BUT LOOSE MORALS. FATHER WAS A SMOOTH TALKER WHO LEFT NO ADDRESS.

I placed all the pups by the second day the ad was in the paper !

TB