There are two things that makes the existence of a sex drive absolutely intolerable for me:

1) The inevitability and persistence of sexual frustration because I haven't had sex in almost 10 years and know that I have no reliable way of ever having sex. I know that I am doomed to a life of sexual frustration and deprivation. I do not blame anybody for this. I do not even necessarily blame myself for it. I am quite introverted and shy, and I understand that women tend to like more extroverted and outgoing men.

2) The intense emotional and psychological conflict I experience when my natural sexual desires and urges come into conflict with my extreme insecurities about my sexual adequacy, and also, a similar conflict I experience because of my envy and jealousy towards those who seem to enjoy sex. Unrealistic portrayals of sexual expectations has absolutely and utterly ruined any chance I will ever have of being able to enjoy sexuality in any capacity whatsoever.

Even when I had sex at the age of 18, I felt like a robot. It felt like I was simply using another human being to masturbate. I loathed her because she had cheated on me at the beginning of our relationship, so I dated her until I could have sex with her, just so I could see what it was like, because I knew that being able to have sex was a once-in-a-lifetime ordeal, so I had sex with her when I could, broke up with her, and never dated anyone else again.

Since I was around 17, I have wanted very badly for my sex drive to go away. It was then that I first researched castration, but it was only a fleeting curiosity. What causes me such intense psychological conflict is that I am aware of the fact that I am a sexual being with sexual psychological "needs," but the insecurities, fears, anxieties, and the *jealousy* and the *envy* I experience because of it, as well as the anger and the rage I experience because of it, is intolerable.

I am surrounded constantly by sexual filth, advertisements and messages from the media telling me that I need to be having sex and that others are having enjoyable sex, and constantly teased and tormented with images of scantily clad women. I hear about it constantly. I just want to stop hearing about it and I want to stop seeing it. I want to stop feeling so worthless because I haven't had sex in almost 10 years.

It is only masturbation that temporarily provides the relief that I seek. It is as temporary as the absence of sexual desire it produces. The solution, as far as I can tell, is simply to permanently get rid of my sexual desire.

Sexuality is so utterly repulsive and disgusting. When I was younger and used to smoke, the only thing other than compulsive masturbation that would alleviate my negative emotions was to put cigarettes out on my arm. I have major scars from these self-inflicted burns. I used to violently claw and punch at my face and bite arms so hard that I would bleed, just to calm myself down. Sometimes I picture my genitals being mashed to a bloody pulp in a mouse trap or a bear trap and it soothes and calms me to a degree.

I would never actually do anything like that, of course, since I am actually very anxious about not being harmed. I'd even say I'm somewhat of a hypochondriac, always afraid that I've somehow poisoned or damaged myself long-term with activities I'd done in the past. I simply want to emphasize that I am not a danger to myself, so no one gets worried. I actually enjoy being alive, and I want to increase my enjoyment of it by getting rid of this utterly repulsive, disgusting, worthless desire in my brain. I was on progesterone for a bit in the past, but it was a relatively mild form, rather than something powerful like Depo-Provera.

My days of self-harm are long past, fortunately. I am on a mood stabilizer and antidepressant that makes me act, function and behave quite normally. I am simply trying to emphasize how much sexuality has caused me to suffer psychologically. the presence of my sexuality still causes me to suffer a great deal. I want it to go away.

Does anyone here experience anything like this, and if you did, did castration, either physical or chemical castration, cause it to go away? I want to get rid of:

1) Sexual frustration from not having sex

2) The internal psychological conflict which experiencing sexual desire causes me to experience.

Part of the conflict has to do with a distinction and conflict between first-order and second-order desires. There is certainly a sense in which I do naturally want sex, but I do not want to want it. It is a part of me that I want to amputate because its existence serves only to psychologically mutilate and torment me.

My question to you is: did making your sexual desire go away cause this sort of conflict to go away too? I have never been a social person. I am extremely introverted and reclusive and could probably live the rest of my life without talking to anyone (that's a slight exaggeration, but you get the idea). I haven't dated anyone in a decade and have no desire to do so at any point in the future. I have my friends and my lovedd ones close, and they're all I need. Once I get rid of my sex drive, my life will be closer to becoming complete.

I would suggest that before you go ahead and do anything radical, you try consulting a therapist to try to work through your conflicting emotions. The medications you are on are simply a stopgap and will never give you real peace. You are still young, so considering castration should possibly be put on the back burner since you seem to have concerns and uncertainty regarding it. From what I have read, chemical castration over a long period can lead to actual castration and the chemicals that are put into your body for this may cause adverse reactions with the medications you are already on.

A therapist could quite possibly help you to deal with the duality of your feelings regarding relationships and sex and could maybe help you to turn the corner thus enabling you to have a normal healthy relationship with a woman. The betrayal by the girl that you were dating at the time came at a very impressionable age and could quite possibly be the origin of your conflicting emotions. You must also remember that teen aged girls are also going through an incredibly difficult time adjusting to the hormones flowing through their bodies and quite frankly, most of them are absolute little bitches. Women in your age group are more stable and you would be surprised as to how many of them are introverted and insecure like you are. Another thing is that women in your current age group are now seeking a mate to settle down with and have kids and thus would be more inclined to view a relationship with a shy introverted guy and could very probably help you to break out of your shell.

My first sexual encounter with a woman was also not very good as all I wanted to do was have sex and I did not find her particularly attractive at all and only did it because she had the appropriate female genitals. You say that sex with her was like using someone else's body to masturbate. I can tell you that the experience for her was probably much the same. With sex, practice makes perfect and the best way is when there is a genuine emotional connection in a stable and loving relationship where each one of you communicates their likes and dislikes and where you help each other to enjoy the sexual side of the relationship more and more.

Quite honestly, looking to castration to solve your problems is not the correct way. Castration is a one time event and you need to be ABSOLUTELY sure that that is what you want ir else you will very soon wind uo being extremely unhappy with your decision.

I have been castrated, but it was for medical reasons and I am extremely glad that I had it done and wish I could have had it done 15 years ago, but things didn't work out that way. I am also married and due to HRT, I can carry on a normal sexual relationship with my wife. Like I said, I am happy to be castrated, but I am a lot older than you and have kids from a previous marriage and when I did have it done, I was absolutely certain that it was the right thing for me.

Just remember that nobody can tell you what to do, but we hare have a wealth of experience and can advise you but ultimately the final decision will be yours and yours alone. My advice to you is that given your young age and duality of emotions, DON"T get castrated yet, try to work through your problems to find an equitable solution to them and also to avoid doctors that just dish out prescriptions for medication like the plague as these will ultimately not help you.

micdavi24 (imported) wrote: Mon Sep 08, 2014 4:14 pm I would suggest that before you go ahead and do anything radical, you try consulting a therapist to try to work through your conflicting emotions. The medications you are on are simply a stopgap and will never give you real peace. You are still young, so considering castration should possibly be put on the back burner since you seem to have concerns and uncertainty regarding it. From what I have read, chemical castration over a long period can lead to actual castration and the chemicals that are put into your body for this may cause adverse reactions with the medications you are already on.

A therapist could quite possibly help you to deal with the duality of your feelings regarding relationships and sex and could maybe help you to turn the corner thus enabling you to have a normal healthy relationship with a woman. The betrayal by the girl that you were dating at the time came at a very impressionable age and could quite possibly be the origin of your conflicting emotions. You must also remember that teen aged girls are also going through an incredibly difficult time adjusting to the hormones flowing through their bodies and quite frankly, most of them are absolute little bitches. Women in your age group are more stable and you would be surprised as to how many of them are introverted and insecure like you are. Another thing is that women in your current age group are now seeking a mate to settle down with and have kids and thus would be more inclined to view a relationship with a shy introverted guy and could very probably help you to break out of your shell.

My first sexual encounter with a woman was also not very good as all I wanted to do was have sex and I did not find her particularly attractive at all and only did it because she had the appropriate female genitals. You say that sex with her was like using someone else's body to masturbate. I can tell you that the experience for her was probably much the same. With sex, practice makes perfect and the best way is when there is a genuine emotional connection in a stable and loving relationship where each one of you communicates their likes and dislikes and where you help each other to enjoy the sexual side of the relationship more and more.

Quite honestly, looking to castration to solve your problems is not the correct way. Castration is a one time event and you need to be ABSOLUTELY sure that that is what you want ir else you will very soon wind uo being extremely unhappy with your decision.

I have been castrated, but it was for medical reasons and I am extremely glad that I had it done and wish I could have had it done 15 years ago, but things didn't work out that way. I am also married and due to HRT, I can carry on a normal sexual relationship with my wife. Like I said, I am happy to be castrated, but I am a lot older than you and have kids from a previous marriage and when I did have it done, I was absolutely certain that it was the right thing for me.

Just remember that nobody can tell you what to do, but we hare have a wealth of experience and can advise you but ultimately the final decision will be yours and yours alone. My advice to you is that given your young age and duality of emotions, DON"T get castrated yet, try to work through your problems to find an equitable solution to them and also to avoid doctors that just dish out prescriptions for medication like the plague as these will ultimately not help you.

Thank you for your thoughtful comments, they are appreciated. I think that a previous, extremely traumatic episode of unrequited love led me to be so cynical about romance and sexuality that I figured I might as well settle for the girl who cheated on me because I figured she was the best I could do. After repeated rejection, especially after that particularly traumatic initial rejection, I figured I would take what I could get in losing my virginity because I might never have another chance. That was 10 years ago, and I haven't had a girlfriend since. That girlfriend had cheated on me with at least 1 (probably 2) guys right when we began dating.

I initially told her that I wanted to break up with her, and she begged me to give her another chance, so I (again, very cynically) decided I would stay with her long enough to have sex with her and then break up with her, again figuring that I would probably never get another chance. So I did that, and haven't dated since. I would say that that experience of her cheating on me was not a big deal to me, but it was only because I was so numb from the previous trauma with the previous unrequited love.

Why are you happy to be castrated? I know you said it was for medical reasons, but what other benefit did it give you?

VicistiGalilaee (imported) wrote: Fri Sep 12, 2014 5:10 pm Thank you for your thoughtful comments, they are appreciated. I think that a previous, extremely traumatic episode of unrequited love led me to be so cynical about romance and sexuality that I figured I might as well settle for the girl who cheated on me because I figured she was the best I could do. After repeated rejection, especially after that particularly traumatic initial rejection, I figured I would take what I could get in losing my virginity because I might never have another chance. That was 10 years ago, and I haven't had a girlfriend since. That girlfriend had cheated on me with at least 1 (probably 2) guys right when we began dating.

I initially told her that I wanted to break up with her, and she begged me to give her another chance, so I (again, very cynically) decided I would stay with her long enough to have sex with her and then break up with her, again figuring that I would probably never get another chance. So I did that, and haven't dated since. I would say that that experience of her cheating on me was not a big deal to me, but it was only because I was so numb from the previous trauma with the previous unrequited love.

Why are you happy to be castrated? I know you said it was for medical reasons, but what other benefit did it give you?

From what you have said here, it seems that your main problem so far in life had been lack of confidence and shyness. Women tend to like guys who at least appear confident. I used to be the same when I was younger and it took a long time for me to pluck up the courage to tell my first wife how I felt about her. We had been friends for quite a while, but I just didn't have the courage to tell her. She had also been badly hurt in 2 previous relationships, so it was a bit of a delicate situation, but 18 months later we were married and remained so for nearly 20 years.

I would suggest that you get involved with some social groups like a dance academy or a church group for young people. I realise that this may be very scary for you, but do your best, push through that fear as unless you do, your circle will ever increasingly get smaller and as a result you will feel more and more isolated and rejected.

You talk about this girl cheating on you, did she actually sleep with the 2 guys or did she just flirt with them and kiss them. Did you have any further contact with her after you slept with her and what was her reaction to your breaking up with her. Also remember that young girls are also very insecure and women tend to have far more self confidence issues than we men do and a lot of their insecurities stem from their looks and their perception that their looks do not live up to their own perception of perfection and this can lead to overt displays of sexuality to reinforce their own image of themselves. It is quite possible that this girl felt very strongly for you and only cheated as you put it to reassure herself that she was good enough to be with you. Just remember that no man can EVER truly understand a woman and the opposite is true as well.

The reason for my castration was as a result of on going testicular pain resulting from a vasectomy. I had the vasectomy in June '98 and they used self dissolving sutures which my body tends to dissolve faster than they should. This resulted in the cut opening up and my getting an infection in my scrotum. From that time on I struggled with testicular pain of varying degrees from a virtually constant 2/10 and occasionally spiking to around an 8 or 9/10 for anything from a few seconds to several days and sometimes weeks on end. Were it not for this, I would never have considered castration at all.

The reason I am happy to be castrated is because I am now at last rid of the constant pain and my quality of life has improved immeasurably. I am on HRT which does help a lot, but is still not quite the same. I had actually been on HRT for about 8 months prior to my castration due to very low testosterone levels. I think my testicles had stopped functioning in all aspects except to causing me pain.

I hope this answers your questions satisfactorily. Please feel free to contact me via a private message should you want further advice, but my primary advice still stands, you are very young still and have other issues, so don't look to castration to solve them as they would in all probability lead to more problems. Like I have also said before, castration is a one time thing and there is NO do over, once your balls are gone, they are gone for good and no going back.

micdavi24 (imported) wrote: Fri Sep 12, 2014 7:00 pm From what you have said here, it seems that your main problem so far in life had been lack of confidence and shyness. Women tend to like guys who at least appear confident. I used to be the same when I was younger and it took a long time for me to pluck up the courage to tell my first wife how I felt about her. We had been friends for quite a while, but I just didn't have the courage to tell her. She had also been badly hurt in 2 previous relationships, so it was a bit of a delicate situation, but 18 months later we were married and remained so for nearly 20 years.

I would suggest that you get involved with some social groups like a dance academy or a church group for young people. I realise that this may be very scary for you, but do your best, push through that fear as unless you do, your circle will ever increasingly get smaller and as a result you will feel more and more isolated and rejected.

You talk about this girl cheating on you, did she actually sleep with the 2 guys or did she just flirt with them and kiss them. Did you have any further contact with her after you slept with her and what was her reaction to your breaking up with her. Also remember that young girls are also very insecure and women tend to have far more self confidence issues than we men do and a lot of their insecurities stem from their looks and their perception that their looks do not live up to their own perception of perfection and this can lead to overt displays of sexuality to reinforce their own image of themselves. It is quite possible that this girl felt very strongly for you and only cheated as you put it to reassure herself that she was good enough to be with you. Just remember that no man can EVER truly understand a woman and the opposite is true as well.

The reason for my castration was as a result of on going testicular pain resulting from a vasectomy. I had the vasectomy in June '98 and they used self dissolving sutures which my body tends to dissolve faster than they should. This resulted in the cut opening up and my getting an infection in my scrotum. From that time on I struggled with testicular pain of varying degrees from a virtually constant 2/10 and occasionally spiking to around an 8 or 9/10 for anything from a few seconds to several days and sometimes weeks on end. Were it not for this, I would never have considered castration at all.

The reason I am happy to be castrated is because I am now at last rid of the constant pain and my quality of life has improved immeasurably. I am on HRT which does help a lot, but is still not quite the same. I had actually been on HRT for about 8 months prior to my castration due to very low testosterone levels. I think my testicles had stopped functioning in all aspects except to causing me pain.

I hope this answers your questions satisfactorily. Please feel free to contact me via a private message should you want further advice, but my primary advice still stands, you are very young still and have other issues, so don't look to castration to solve them as they would in all probability lead to more problems. Like I have also said before, castration is a one time thing and there is NO do over, once your balls are gone, they are gone for good and no going back.

When she cheated on me, she had sex with at least one other guy, and probably the other as well. I stayed with her

VicistiGalilaee (imported) wrote: Fri Sep 12, 2014 5:10 pm because I figured she was the best I could do.

She was somewhat attractive, and I figured (and still believe) that the only way I could ever get a moderately attractive women is if there was something seriously wrong with her psychologically, which proved to be true in this case. She'd cheated on all of her boyfriends, including me.

I agree with your assessment of what women tend to like. They tend to prefer socially dominant, extroverted and confident men. I'm really the opposite of all these things. I've been rejected by virtually every women I've ever approached. I think it's had a cumulative effect of seriously psychologically damaging me.

VicistiGalilaee (imported) wrote: Sat Sep 13, 2014 3:35 pm When she cheated on me, she had sex with at least one other guy, and probably the other as well. I stayed with her

VicistiGalilaee (imported) wrote: Sat Sep 13, 2014 3:35 pm 05800]
because I figured she was the best I could do.

She was somewhat attractive, and I figured (and still believe) that the only way I could ever get a moderately attractive women is if there was something seriously wrong with her psychologically, which proved to be true in this case. She'd cheated on all of her boyfriends, including me.

I agree with your assessment of what women tend to like. They tend to prefer socially dominant, extroverted and confident men. I'm really the opposite of all these things. I've been rejected by virtually every women I've ever approached. I think it's ha
[/quote]
d a cumulative effect of seriously psychologically damaging me.

Unfortunately it looks as if you chose the wrong woman there, she was a compulsive cheater, but rest assured, not all women are like this. When a woman is as sexually promiscuous as she was, it is usually indicative of some other trauma in her life, like maybe sexual abuse when she was younger or some other kind of trauma.

Another thing to also remember is that sometimes it isn't a good thing to aim for the most attractive women as sometimes they can be full of nonsense and have too high an opinion of themselves. Please not this does not hold true for all attractive women. Sometimes it is better to go for the plainer women as we have a saying in my language that when translated says beats fades but virtue never does, so sometimes it is better to seek the plain Jane's rather than the glamor dolls.

Like I have said before, try joining a group for young people who share similar interests and in due course you will probably meet a very nice woman who will be a good fit intellectually and socially for you. In my opinion, you are seeking castration for all the wrong reasons and you will end up being very dissatisfied with the result, as castration is NOT the cure for social awkwardness.

Please keep on talking to me, either here or by the email address I gave you and I will do my level best to try to help you through this crisis you are facing. Please note, I am not a medical professional nor a trained counselor, but I do have years of experience in sales which helps me to try to understand and help people.