Introduction 7_10_2012 and essay about my journey 9_18_2012

[yosam7532 (imported)]

Introduction 7_10_2012 and essay about my journey 9_18_2012

I am a Eunuch and very happy to be one. I took Siterone 100mg X 2 daily and Finastride 5 mg X 1 time daily for 3 years. I also did the alcohol injections for those 3 years doing injections of 3cc per testicle 3 times per week. I then stopped the alcohol injections after the testicles shrank to 1/10th their size and gradually stopped the medication. I had quit having any sexual desires and was very calm. I then had the testicles removed due to their atrophy, by a urologist, with my insurance covering all of the procedure. The only side effects that I really didn’t like were the hot flashes, which were pretty bad, and the loss of upper body strength. My T levels dropped to 18 NG/DL. I am now doing the Testosterone Injections every 2 weeks and my T levels are staying just below 100 NG/DL. This is helping my upper body strength, hot flashes and depression, while keeping my sexual desires to nil. I never get any erection unless I really work hard at it and all of my orgasms are completely dry. This has been an interesting journey, one of which I do not regret. Considering a penectomy next, just trying to figure out how to get the urologist to do it and get insurance to pay without winding up in the loony bin. I wouldn't mind traveling to get it done, but I am disabled and do not do any traveling.

I wanted to get rid of the sex drive, since I was really not interested. I started abusing my testicles and penis when I was around 11 yo. I was into building models and had a lot of stainless T pins around and started using them to stick through my testicles and penis. I also have a problem with the penis called Hypospadias, where the urethra exits on the lower side of the penis before the head and the rest of the penis head looks as though I have a meatotomy. I have never liked the looks of my penis or testicles either, so that was another reason to start the testicle removal and the thoughts of removing the penis. I have been asexual all my life.

I too tried the gel. First the 1% on the stomach, 2 packets every morning for 1 year. My T levels fell even lower, so I was switched to the 1.62% applying on the shoulders 2 pumps every morning. My T levels after 3 months of this fell even lower. I was switched to the injections of Testosterone Cypionate 100mg/ml with a 1 ml injection every 2 weeks. After 6 weeks I was tested again and my T levels only rose to 45 NG/DL. I was then switched to Depo-Testosterone 200 mg/ml with an injection every 2 weeks. My T levels after 6 weeks of this came up to 90 NG/DL. I went for another blood test this AM to see if it has come up anymore or stayed about the same. I fell like they are dropping again, but I'll just have to wait for the results to see. The amount of testosterone needed for replacement depends on the person and how soon replacement started before starting HRT. My T levels were at a low amount for 3 years before I started any replacement therapy. The Doctor is going to let me do my own injections as soon as my levels are where I want them and stabilized. May have to go for more blood work to see what might be over riding the testosterone. I am just at a wait and see stage at the moment.

In January of this year, He did the bilateral orchiectomy with a local and something to make me sleep while he did the procedure. I actually had similar anesthesia for my carpel tunnel surgery on both wrists. I don't remember a thing and he said it took less than an hour. I was only at the hospital a total of 5 hours for everything, prep, surgery and the local anesthesia and whatever they gave me to make me sleep wore off.

Adding on to my introduction above, I wish that I had the resources and support groups that are available on the internet now. I would have tried the chemical castration at an early age and then had the orchiectomy done sooner. I know that while I was on the chemical castration, I still desired to have my testicles removed and still considered a penectomy also, so I then knew that I hadn’t been just having a fantasy for the surgeries. Just to think that I have been living with the desire for the surgery for approximately 50 years and finding out just a few years before that all of the resources for accomplishing what I had wanted since I was approximately 11 was available along with support and others that have had the same desires. I was raised in a time when sex was not discussed and especially any kind of problems or different desires that was not what was considered normal. I am very happy to see places like this are available to try and help those with their desires. I think that this being available may help those with depression and anxiety due to gender and sexual problems that can’t be discussed with any family member because of the fear of being put in the loony bin and also with friends fearing what they might think. I have spent a lot of time in my life thing that I had good friends only to find out that they will drop you in a heartbeat if you seem weird to them. Being able to possibly build friends among like-minded people have been a real desire for me. I Have even been using a Psychiatrist with group therapy for people like myself, but I still don’t trust him completely or the ones in the group. I like having this place to go to see what others are saying and doing. Thanks to those who developed this web site and all the contributors that I have found to be very helpful.

I wish I could attend the Midwest MOM, but I have Pulmonary Fibrosis and can no longer fly, Doctor’s orders, and from the southeast coast, it would be one heck of a drive, plus with all of the oxygen equipment that I have to travel with would be a real pain. My Doctor’s told me last week that I have anywhere between 6 weeks and 3 years to live, depending on how fast the disease progresses. There is no medical treatment for this thing other than lung transplant, which he said he would put me on the list if I wanted, since he couldn’t do it in 2 more years because I would be over the age allowed. I refused the lung transplant. I told the Doc that I was too old and too tired now and would just take my chances. The only regrets that I have is not finding out about having my surgery done before now and being able to live the life that I had always wanted to live without any sexual desires.

I guess that I am through with my essay now and thanks again to those who developed this site and for their support devices available here.