It seemed that Santa Claus had been having a bad year, and it was just getting worse. Poor guy is barely holding it together.

It all seemed to come at once, all on one day in late December.

The day started like usual. Santa got up and immediately went to his computer to check on his investments online. Santa quickly discovered he'd lost his shirt. Between the European debt crisis, and some bad technology investments, he'd lost it all. Poor Santa was floored. There would have to be some cutbacks at the North Pole this year.

Santa Claus is known to be a jolly old fella, so he choked down all the nasty things he was thinking, told himself there were going to be a few investment bankers added to the naughty list, and went off to break the bad news to his team of elves.

When Santa arrived at his workshop, he found the assembly lines completely shut down. Not one elf was working on making the toys.

"What's going on here?" Santa asked.

"We're on strike," announced the head elf. "We're not making one more toy until we have universal health benefits, and are paid a living wage."

"B-But, you're Christmas Elves. Your reward is the happiness you bring to children around the world," Santa protested.

"That and two bucks will buy you a cup of coffee," the head elf fired back. "It's the twenty-first century. Money makes the world go round. Frankly, we're tired of doing all your dirty work. We slave and slave, all through the year. You work one day and take all the glory for yourself. Well, we elves outnumber you Claus. We're holding you to account until you share the wealth around here. We are the 99%, and we're occupying the north pole until you give into our demands."

Santa tried to explain to the elves that he'd just lost all his investments, but they weren't listening. He was drowned out by shouts of, "Who's workshop?" ... "Our Workshop!" When they started on the chants of, "Shame on you! Shame on Claus!" he was sent running.

Despite all the negativity, Santa Claus is known to be a Jolly fellow, so he didn't say any of the nasty things he was thinking. He just pushed them down, and put a smile on his face. He decided to check with the reindeer. They'd know what was going on, and they'd know how to get the elves to listen to reason.

When poor old Santa got to the stable, he found it empty. There wasn't a reindeer in sight. What he did find was a massive sign painted in what looked like blood. It read, "No more animal cruelty!" His normally happy heart felt a shiver run through it, and he beat a hasty retreat into the snow. He wasn't more than a step outside when something splashed all over his fluffy fur coat. It was paint.

"Boo on Santa. Boo on animal cruelty!" the group of protesters shouted.

Santa took a moment to steady himself and wipe the paint from his eyes. "What's going on here?" he asked in the most jolly voice he could muster.

"We're from PETA, and we're not going to allow you to torture those poor reindeer creatures anymore. Making them fly all over the world in a single night is cruel, and inhumane. We've taken your reindeer to a sanctuary where you can never hurt them again."

"B-But they're magical reindeer," Santa tried to reason with the group. "They're not being harmed. They travel the world on the power of Christmas."

The protesters shot back, "More like they travel the world at the sting of your whip. Reindeer should be out playing reindeer games, not hauling your fat ass and millions of toys around the planet. You're a monster. It's a reindeer Holocaust! Boo on Santa! Boo on animal cruelty!"

After that poor Santa couldn't get through to them. He was sent running, as the PETA protesters hurled insults

Poor Santa was feeling rather down at this point. But he knew one person who'd be able to help him get back to his jolly self. He went back to his cottage in search of Mrs. Claus.

He found her packing.

"What's going on here?" he asked.

"I'm leaving and going to live with my mother in Florida."

"Why on Earth would you do that?"

"All you do is think about little kids, and play with your elves. You haven't touched me in years. I can't take it anymore. You're a closet pedophile, and a shitty husband." She finished packing the last of her clothes into her suitcase. "The only reason I stuck around was because of the licencing deals and our investments. Well, I know how to check our portfolio online too. You're out of money, and out of time." She stormed out the door. As she slammed it she shouted back, "I'm suing you for divorce. You'll be hearing from my lawyer."

Now Santa is normally a jolly fellow, but this was just too much for the old guy. He stormed out into the winter snow looking to clear his head.

It was about this time that a little angel, who always did what she was told, found a lonely Christmas tree that a thoughtless woodsman had cut down but left behind. It made her heart break that this little tree was forgotten for the holidays, but she knew what to do.

She scooped up the little green tree, and flitted her way to the north pole. She soon found the person she was looking for walking alone out in the snow.

Santa didn't look as jolly as she had expected. Why, he was practically gnashing his teeth, and scowling. Of course, that didn't matter to the little angel. She knew Santa would know the best thing for a lonely Christmas tree.

She lightly winged her way down to him, and set the little green tree in the snow. Somehow, Santa was ignoring her. She cleared her throat, but he just trudged on past her as if he didn't see her. Undeterred, the little angel, who always did what she was told, tugged on Santa's sleeve.

"What the hell do you want?" snapped the formerly jolly fellow.

"Oh, Santa," cried the angel. "I found this lonely little Christmas tree, forgotten for the holidays. I just knew you'd know what to do with it."

Santa took one look at the angel. All the nasty things that had happened to him swirling in his mind. "Yeah," he said. "I can tell you what to do with your fucking tree..."

...And that dear children, is the story of how the angel came to be atop the Christmas tree.

Have a happy holidays, and when you look up at the angel atop your tree this Christmas, remember, somebody might have it worse off than you.

Stay sane everybody. All the best!

Thankyou for this sad, heart wrencing, but ultimately very funny story of Christmas.

For many years now, I have come the truly hate this holiday, I am a latter day Scrooge, I admit it.

DeaconBlues, I hear you. I've been in the retail business for well over 15 years now. Christmas for me, starts in late October, and doesn't end until late January. I have to work 18 hours on Boxing day. Christmas is a time of exhaustion, and abuse from customers for me.

Christmas is the time of year I simply dread. I often think Scrooge had it right. Bah, humbug indeed.

A very well thought out and funny story.

"

Cainanite (imported) wrote: Sun Dec 25, 2011 8:16 pm We are the 99%, and we're occupying the north pole until you give into our demands."

LOL

You speak of so much human truth in your story (much of it quite harsh), but tell it in a way that made it rather lite to read (at least to me). The over the topness from the animal cruelty people and from the wife with him spending too much time with kids seems to suggest political correctness gone made.

I hope that you get more EA comments on this because the quality of the story deserves it.

Just for your information Cainanite, I copied this Christmas story and have emailed it to all of my friends. Your good humor is radiating around the world. I think this Chrismas story is something most of us like, because we can all identify with Santa in this story, regardless of our pollitics (even if we do or don't support the "occupy" movements, or the "PETA" crowd) we can all of us, identify with the Santa character who has had a bad day, and is then pestered with the Chrismas rush, and the unreal expectations of the world... All of us have wanted to "tell them what to do with their f***ing tree!" The tree being a symbol of Chrismas commercialism and the ever rising demands on us to put up ever more expensive Chrismas lights and outlandish yard decorations, and fill every stocking, and host ever larger Chrismas parties, and put a present under the tree for every girl and boy, and.... Yeah! I can sooooooo tell them what to do with their f***ing tree!

DeaconBlues (imported) wrote: Mon Dec 26, 2011 8:35 am Just for your information Cainanite, I copied this Christmas story and have emailed it to all of my friends. Your good humor is radiating around the world. I think this Chrismas story is something most of us like, because we can all identify with Santa in this story, regardless of our pollitics (even if we do or don't support the "occupy" movements, or the "PETA" crowd) we can all of us, identify with the Santa character who has had a bad day, and is then pestered with the Chrismas rush, and the unreal expectations of the world... All of us have wanted to "tell them what to do with their f***ing tree!" The tree being a symbol of Chrismas commercialism and the ever rising demands on us to put up ever more expensive Chrismas lights and outlandish yard decorations, and fill every stocking, and host ever larger Chrismas parties, and put a present under the tree for every girl and boy, and.... Yeah! I can sooooooo tell them what to do with their f***ing tree!

I'm not doing any of it until I can find a menorrah to top my tree. F*** the damned angel.

kristoff wrote: Mon Dec 26, 2011 8:47 am I'm not doing any of it until I can find a menorrah to top my tree. F*** the damned angel.

A menorrah on top of a Christmas tree, now that would be CLASSIC! If you cannot find a menorrah, how about a minaret? You know, the tower that the Imam climbs and calls the faithful to prayer five times a day?

I have to admit, the original story is not mine. It was a joke a read once years ago. In that version the elves were sick, the reindeer were busy giving birth, and Santa's mother-in-law was coming to visit, but I couldn't find it to share. I decided instead to give it a quick re-write for 2011. My version stays true to the original with the same ending, though.

I'm glad you all liked it. Thanks for the good words.

I expect that most of the readers here recognized the story as an old one. An old one exceptionally well told, however. Your skill as a storyteller shines through to make it a real holiday gift for us all.

Arab Night's retelling of "The Poisoned Pussycat" in his thread about the local newspaper in Rogers, Texas (http://www.eunuch.org/forums/showthread ... -Rogers-TX) is another outstanding retelling of a traditional legend. I even sent a copy of his post to a friend who has written a scholarly article about the legend. I plan to post his response, once I receive it.

There are some incredible writers here on the Archive.

JesusA (imported) wrote: Mon Dec 26, 2011 1:57 pm I expect that most of the readers here recognized the story as an old one. An old one exceptionally well told, however. Your skill as a storyteller shines through to make it a real holiday gift for us all.

Arab Night's retelling of "The Poisoned Pussycat" in his thread about the local newspaper in Rogers, Texas (http://www.eunuch.org/forums/showthread ... -Rogers-TX) is another outstanding retelling of a traditional legend. I even sent a copy of his post to a friend who has written a scholarly article about the legend. I plan to post his response, once I receive it.

There are some incredible writers here on the Archive.

Yeah, I wasn't sure if it was an original story either, but a) I know that Cainanite has an incredible talent for story writing and b) It could be unfairly offensive to even suggest/ask about it's authenticness if it was original. As it is, Cainanite has put his own special spin on it, which is basically as original as we all get anyway, for we tend to get our story writing ideas from somewhere or other; sometimes we are just more aware of where then at others.

DeaconBlues; I think I will copy your idea and post this story to some friends too!