>>The Slush Pile is the stuff an agent or an editor reads that they reject.

>>I thought this was funny.

>>http://slushpilehell.tumblr.com/post/847997024

So, SlushPile Hell held a contest yesterday on Twitter, WORST CHILDREN’S BOOK…EVER, asking Twitterererers to tweet (jeez, I’m making myself ill with Twitterspeak) their entries. More than 1200 entries later, we had a winner and a Top 25 list.

Our WINNER was: @MJsRetweet: Daddy Has an Itch. Mommy Smells Like Fish: A Child’s Rhyming Guide to STD’s Congrats to @MJsRetweet!

And here are the rest of the Top 25 WORST CHILDREN’S BOOKS…EVER, in no particular order:

@SmolderingInk: The Best Things to Drink Are under the Sink

@LynetteCurtis: Toy Story 3: Buzz Gets a Woody

@harleymaywrites: Is Angelina My Mommy?

@C_Spaghetti: Where the Wild Thongs Are

@Janet_Reid: The Smith & Wesson Coloring Book for Kids

@AVgrl: Ashley Has Two Daddies, and They’re Both Going to Burn in Hell

@KateHaggard: Dismemberment Donny Needs A Hand

@SarahEGlenn: The Secret Pot Garden

@Smolderingink: Princess Poledancer And The Twirly Tassle Gang

@Prettyandi: Santa Clause, The Tooth Fairy & The Easter Bunny: Just The Beginning of a Lifetime of Lies

@Shelltex: Math Will Make You Ugly

@Juniperjenny: The Magical World beneath the Tarp on the Pool

@Thericeman: All Alone with the Internet: A Choose Your Own Adventure Story

@MJsRetweet: The Fog in the Looking Glass (and Other Ways to Find Out if Grandma’s Still with Us)

@alc417: A Buzzing in the Night: Why Your Wii Control’s Batteries Are Gone

@FrozenGlitter: It’s Not that Grandpa Doesn’t Love You, He Just Loves Drinking More

@jjdebenedictis: You Don’t Need to Think When You’re Pretty

@KarlShoemaker: Furious George Gets Cut Off on the Freeway

@Tobywneal: Why Do Grandma’s Boobies Touch Her Waist? (And Other Questions Not to Ask Out Loud)

@SarahEGlenn: You’re Not There, God. It’s Me, Christopher Hitchens

@GeneDoucette: Rachel Has Seven Mommies: A Children’s Guide to the Book of Mormon

@Saraheolson: Things We Can’t Afford because Your Father Left Us

@EliasSerulle: One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Mercury Poisoning

@LynneKelly: Frog And Toad Are Friends with Benefits

### End ###

I am laughing but should I be? Those are great. A good guilty pleasure to share with some of my childless friends.

The Mormon one is funny because it's true.

"The Toilet: Reward for Big Boys, or Anus-Eating Spider Hideout?"

"Dealing with Bullies; Snitching your Way to Success"

"How to Blame your Wet Bed on the Monsters in your Closet"

Those are good ones, Stefan!

Pants on the Ground - A Neverland Ranch Handbook for Boys

Made me laugh out loud with that last one, Paolo!

And, I take this opportunity to confess. The first one I wrote up there comes with personal history.

Around ages 8-11, or around there, I was so terrified of spiders or any creepy-crawly that I "hovered" over the seat when pooping, just to keep anything from crawling onto my butt.

It's the only reason my thigh muscles were so strong for soccer!