Mary had a little pig,

She kept it fat and plastered;

And when the price of pork went up,

She shot the little bastard.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB

Her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her,

Between two hunks of bread.

JACK AND JILL Went up the hill

To have a little fun.

Stupid Jill forgot the pill

And now they have a son.

SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,

"What have you got there?"

Said the Pie man unto Simon,

"Pies, you dumb #$%!"

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the kings' horses,

And all the kings' men.

Had scrambled eggs,

For breakfast again.

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,

All over the bedside clock.

The little dog laughed to see such fun.

Then died of electric shock.

GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,

Kissed the girls and made them cry.

And when the boys came out to play,

He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

There was a little girl who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, she was very, very good.

But when she was bad........

She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

Jack told Jill to take the Pill,

And chase the Pill with water.

But Jill forgot, and Jack begot,

A bonny, bouncing, daughter.

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,

Her knickers all tattered and torn.

It wasn't the spider that sat down beside her,

But Little Boy Blue with the horn.

After hearing on the radio today of the numbers of recreational drug users in the UK:

Little Jack Horner stood on the corner,

Dealing in ganja and crack.

"My heroin's strong, it sure won't be long,

Before you are flat on your back."

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,

How does your garden grow?

"With droughts and floods,

And snails and slugs,

I'm buggered if I know."

HairyHarry (imported) wrote: Mon Aug 17, 2009 9:55 am Mary, Mary, quite contrary,

How does your garden grow?

"With droughts and floods,

And snails and slugs,

I'm buggered if I know."

Mary, Mary, how does your garden grow?

With silver bells and cockle shells,

and one big fucking ugly egg plant...