HOW TO STOP CHURCH GOSSIP

Mable, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned, and walked away.

He didn't explain, defend, or deny... He said nothing.

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mable's house...walked home...and left it there all night!!!

Way to go, Frank

LOL! Might be a great gossip stopper trick! Got to remember that one!

Ain't small town life great! This one lady in Nevada had a funny story. There are still a few towns with whore houses really close to town. Anyway, her son comes home on military leave. She lets him use her car during the day while she was working. So he stops at the whorehouse. Of course, everybody in the small town knows her car.

On a related note...

Our little town's own Nosy Rosie is on a flight from Kansas City to Omaha. She boards the plane and find that she has been seated next to a very handsome man in "safari"-type khaki wear with graying hair, a neat mustache, and a healthy tan. She's instantly in love, welllll...lust. He greets her in a courtly manner and in an intriguing Oxford-flavored British accent.

Then, she realizes that his left arm is missing at the shoulder. Determined to be a proper lady (for once) she makes a silent vow to pretend she doesn't notice and for the better part of the flight she suppresses her urge to inquire.

They share cocktails, the airline food, and he seems genuinely interested in her chatter about virtually everyone that lives in her little world. In turn he tells her of his experiences as a White Hunter, an officer in the Lancers during WW2, and of his personal friendships with a few members of the Royal Family; Everything, that is, except the loss of his arm.

As the flight nears Omaha she becomes more agitated, knowing that she'll spend the rest of her life with the obvious question unanswered. Still, she bites her lip and suffers until as they part company after landing...Oh Joy!...he says "Madam, I will answer one question and ONE question ONLY about my empty sleeve." Rosie blurts "What happened to your arm?!?!?!?!?!" To which he gives the promised ONE answer......."It was bitten off, my dear."

It been five years since then and once-respectable Rosie wanders about our little town, grubby, hair a mess, sipping from a bottle of Chateau de Omaha and muttering to herself....."Tiger? Crocodile? Shark? Lion? Bear? Leopard? Hippo? Ex-wife?..."

(I owe credit for this one to one of our law partners.)

Yoli

San Antonio's Non-Nosy-But-Pleasantly-Crazy Girl.