Zen Judaism

[JesusA (imported)]

Zen Judaism:

The Jewish Approach to Zen

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?

Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip... Joy. With the second... Satisfaction. With the third… Peace. With the fourth, a Danish.

Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health or a life without problems. What would you talk about?

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single "oy."

There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?

Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkes.

The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao is not Jewish.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining enlightenment will be the least of your problems.

Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.

Be patient and achieve all things. Be impatient and achieve all things faster.

To Find the Buddha, look within. Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.

To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the following: Get rid of the motorcycle! What were you thinking?

Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

The Torah says, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." The Buddha says there is no "self." So, maybe you are off the hook.

The Buddha taught that one should practice loving kindness to all sentient beings. Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient being who happens to be Jewish?

Though only your skin, sinews, and bones remain, though your blood and flesh dry up and wither away, yet shall you meditate and not stir until you have attained full Enlightenment. But first, a little nosh.

[tugon (imported)]

Jesus that was so mashugana! I loved it.

[Kortpeel (imported)]

Zen Judaism:

The Jewish Approach to Zen

Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip... Joy. With the second... Satisfaction. With the third… Peace. With the fourth, a Danish.

And in a similar vein:

What happens when a fly falls into a coffee cup?

The Italian - throws the cup, breaks it, and walks away in a fit of rage.

The German - carefully washes the cup, sterilizes it and makes a new

cup of coffee.

The Frenchman - takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.

The Chinese - eats the fly and throws away the coffee.

The Russian - Drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no

charge.

The Israeli - sells the coffee to the Frenchman, the fly to the

Chinese, drinks tea and uses the extra money to invent a device that

prevents flies from falling into coffee.

The Palestinian - blames the Israeli for the fly falling in his

coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan from

the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to

purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the

Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, the German and the Russian are

all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give away his cup

of tea to the Palestinian.

If you think there is a political slant in this, then think again. The guy I got this from swears that he was there when it happened. He's still got the crutches to prove it.

Kortpeel