Yoli here, totally pizzed off!

Quite some time ago I "spoke" of a woman in our church's congregation that was pretty blatant about pimping her son off on me. I mentioned that I had no ill feelings toward him 'cause he seems like a nice guy who can't seem to break free of Mommy.

Well, I THOUGHT I'd sidestepped the issue but...SHEEEEEEE'S BAAA-AAAAACK!

Some members of the choir (including your little songbird...Meee!) had planned to have lunch together, with a few non-choir types included, at a very nice restaurant after services had concluded. Our popular pastor and his wife were in the mix as well and we'd reserved a small banquet room.

Before services began, as the choir was "suiting up" in the choir room, one of the ladies told me that The Mother From Pushyville had arranged to see that I was seated next to her darling offspring at the gathering. "So." she said. "I guess you've taken a second look at the guy and might give him a chance."

I was stunned! I didn't even know that bitch and her kid would be attending.

I managed to get through the services, singing my part well enough, considering that at one point I nearly choked when I locked eyes with Mommy Dearest and she smiled and pointed at her beloved boy, then winked!

So, just as the pastor was giving the Benediction, I slipped down off the risers and ducked out of sight. I dashed to the choir room, hung my robe, snatched my purse from my locker (Yes, we have individual lockers.) and exited the scene, even taking off my heels so I could make a silent run to the exit, thence to my car (Well, not MY car, exactly. Remember that Mangusta I'm car-sitting? Well, it needs to be driven, right?)

Later, I'm perched on a stool at a nice sports bar, morosely contemplating the usual bar food selection and sipping a Bloody Mary (just one when I'm driving that beast,) when my cell rings. It's one of the church ladies asking if I'd gotten lost on the way to the restaurant. "NO!" I replied, and then I heard the Devil Mom, in the background, say "Where IS that girl? Let me talk to her!" That's when I shut the phone off.

I paid my tab, tipped, and stalked to the car. I was so pissed I put the top down even though it's in the low 50s(F) here. I hit a drive-thru on the way home, and here I sit, nibbling so-so tacos and swilling Diet Pepsi. Big whoop!

There's more food here and in the Big House than an army could eat in a week but I didn't even have the drive to spread peanut butter.

I think it's time I had a sit-down with the pastor about this crap. I thought the problem had gone away, since there'd been no "activity" for a long time, but I guess she's decided to take another run at me in behalf of her son.

I hope I can find a way to put a stop to it without hurting the poor guy's feelings. It's not his fault in any way. His mother is his worst enemy. Sorta like Barry T. Eunuch's mother, only I HOPE this bitch isn't after HER son's balls.

Give us, this day, our daily rant. Amen

Yoli

Angry!

Tell her you think her son may be gay

and you don't want to face even the

possibility of another relationship with a

man who down deep wishes for another man.

It hurt too much last time.

That should scare her away.

Yoli,

The guy whose car you are taking care of can help you.

When he comes back to claim the car, convince him that he owes you for taking care of the car, make him go to church with you. When in church hang all over him like a school girl with a 'crush', and sit in the back row and lay some "lip locks" on him. Sit out the choir just this one Sunday...and sit with 'your favorite unkle such and such instead...

(...or if lip locks are too much, use some other physical manifestation that will get a point across, sometimes, that LK is enough, lipstick on his collar, or mascera on his tie might help, also, however, make sure that he is privy to what you are doing so that he does not get the wrong idea... if he trusts you with that car he will trust you implicitly... I believe that he can help you,and that he would be happy to play this role for you. If that don't work, save up your money and hire a man from an escort service... )

Then, let it slip in front of a nosey old blister (those places usually have PLENTY of 'em) that you are his 'girl' and that he 'takes you places'. When asked directly, tell everyone that he is... are you sitting down? YOUR FAVORITE UNKLE... ...(such and such)

From that point forward, tell anyone from the congregation who asks you that your unkle such and such has never approved of any boy that you liked since he started taking you places on vacation with him when you turned 13 to protect you from the boys that were your age...that you are his princess, and that you could not bear to disappoint him...

...that ought to do it, and they will not blame you for only associating with Ashleigh... as long as nobody lets on that there is no sexual things between the two of you, (you and ash) and then you can continue going to the church if you like...

...one more thing, if somebody ever confronts you about a sexual liasion with unkle such and such, go straight to the minister and tell him what a dirty-minded buch of gossiping old busybodies that he has in his congregation...

...that should do it...

Moi! Naughty!

Steak (A-1) Sauce, that would be fine 'cept for the fact that the owner of the Mangusta is too young to pass for my "Uncle". Still, you've planted a seed and there is one man who would, thanks to his sense of humor, be more than happy to play Humbert to my Lolita. Of course, he will want the "liplocks" and other physical manifestations you suggested...well, why not? I'm confident that once the desired effect is achieved he'll accept the fact that it was all a sham performed for a purpose. I'll discuss it with him today! Thanks!

Update: That *%YT^$#!! moonbat actually called me yesterday not long after I posted this topic. The dizzy dingbat that called me earlier GAVE HER MY CELL NUMBER!!! Of course, anyone with a church membership directory could get my home phone # but I've always been somewhat secretive re my cell.

How long, I wonder, before my home phone rings...Damn!

Anyway, I answered w/o looking at the data and there she was, asking "Are you alright, Dear? Algernon (alias) and I were soooo worried. He was so sad when you didn't appear."

I politely informed her that I decided to lunch alone and was headed for one of the more exclusive restaurants in SA when, lo and behold, while stopped at a red light, a gentleman stranger pulled up next to me, attracted at first by the Mangusta, and we agreed to share a cocktail and lunch to "talk cars". All a lie, of course, but from the tone of her voice as she rang off, it was most effective. That's great, but I hope she didn't retell my little lie to others. Sorta makes me out to be a total slutpuppy, easily picked up at stoplights.

I also hope she didn't spill the fictional beans to Algy.

After THAT call ended, I immediately dialed the nitwit that had given her my number and read her the riot act.

Here's my plan! I'm going to change my home number. Ash(leigh) has her own line, paid for from BG's accounts, so there's no hitch there.

I keep a running list of persons to be immediately notified if there are any changes in my contact info. I will review same, possibly add or subtract a few names, then send out the word via Email or voice communication. I've done this before and it works to perfection.

As for the church folks I will give my new number to the pastor and the choir director, so well as a VERY few others with express instructions that my number is NOT to be revealed. I will even go to the extent of telling the chosen few the names of those who are especially excluded. That, BTW, will include the woman who gave Mom-From-Hell my cell number. I will NOT change my cell number unless she becomes a total pest and then I will ask her to quit calling before I take any further action re my number. Besides, I can block calls from her home and cell with ease.

My great sorrow in all this derives from the plight of her son, a truly good man whose life is not his own to live and share with others.

Yoli

Up too early. More KAWFEEE!

Yoli,

If the scheme works you will not HAVE to change your telephine number.

Meanwhile, get an answering machine with caller I.D. and screen your telephone calls with it.

Planning and timing, that's what it is all about. Be careful, and don't do ANYTHING in the heat of passion unless it feels good sexually.

FianceeUvBigGuy (imported) wrote: Tue Jan 06, 2009 4:40 am Moi! Naughty!

Steak (A-1) Sauce, that would be fine 'cept for the fact that the owner of the Mangusta is too young to pass for my "Uncle". Still, you've planted a seed and there is one man who would, thanks to his sense of humor, be more than happy to play Humbert to my Lolita. Of course, he will want the "liplocks" and other physical manifestations you suggested...well, why not? I'm confident that once the desired effect is achieved he'll accept the fact that it was all a sham performed for a purpose. I'll discuss it with him today! Thanks!

Update: That *%YT^$#!! moonbat actually called me yesterday not long after I posted this topic. The dizzy dingbat that called me earlier GAVE HER MY CELL NUMBER!!! Of course, anyone with a church membership directory could get my home phone # but I've always been somewhat secretive re my cell.

How long, I wonder, before my home phone rings...Damn!

Anyway, I answered w/o looking at the data and there she was, asking "Are you alright, Dear? Algernon (alias) and I were soooo worried. He was so sad when you didn't appear."

I politely informed her that I decided to lunch alone and was headed for one of the more exclusive restaurants in SA when, lo and behold, while stopped at a red light, a gentleman stranger pulled up next to me, attracted at first by the Mangusta, and we agreed to share a cocktail and lunch to "talk cars". All a lie, of course, but from the tone of her voice as she rang off, it was most effective. That's great, but I hope she didn't retell my little lie to others. Sorta makes me out to be a total slutpuppy, easily picked up at stoplights.

I also hope she didn't spill the fictional beans to Algy.

After THAT call ended, I immediately dialed the nitwit that had given her my number and read her the riot act.

Here's my plan! I'm going to change my home number. Ash(leigh) has her own line, paid for from BG's accounts, so there's no hitch there.

I keep a running list of persons to be immediately notified if there are any changes in my contact info. I will review same, possibly add or subtract a few names, then send out the word via Email or voice communication. I've done this before and it works to perfection.

As for the church folks I will give my new number to the pastor and the choir director, so well as a VERY few others with express instructions that my number is NOT to be revealed. I will even go to the extent of telling the chosen few the names of those who are especially excluded. That, BTW, will include the woman who gave Mom-From-Hell my cell number. I will NOT change my cell number unless she becomes a total pest and then I will ask her to quit calling before I take any further action re my number. Besides, I can block calls from her home and cell with ease.

My great sorrow in all this derives from the plight of her son, a truly good man whose life is not his own to live and share with others.

Yoli

Up too early. More KAWFEEE!

Oh good heavens. Why don't you just say, "Madam, please do not phone me. I will speak to your son when I want and about what I want but I do not appreciate you matchmaking us in any way, shape or form. Now please do not phone me again."

That's a simple way to go. And if she tries it again, say "I told you that I do not wish to speak with you." and hang up.

Also - to anyone out there - do not give out a phone number unless you have the person's permission to give it out. Do not assume you have the right to give out any phone number. Sorry to scold, but I thought that was common sense.

common sense.

Oh my God, Dave. Are you going to drag out that rarest of human qualities?

Yoli, you lead an interesting life!

Dave (imported) wrote: Tue Jan 06, 2009 1:09 pm Oh good heavens. Why don't you just say, "Madam, please do not phone me. I will speak to your son when I want and about what I want but I do not appreciate you matchmaking us in any way, shape or form. Now please do not phone me again."

That's a simple way to go. And if she tries it again, say "I told you that I do not wish to speak with you." and hang up.

Also - to anyone out there - do not give out a phone number unless you have the person's permission to give it out. Do not assume you have the right to give out any phone number. Sorry to scold, but I thought that was common sense.

Dave,

Apparently you have not dealt with this kind of person before, or you just don't like to have this kind of fun.

Playful scams sometimes can accomplish the purpose without pissing people off if you can get them to do what you wish without hurting their feelings.

Common Sense (http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/mod/paine-common.html) was written by Thomas Paine.

However, everyone talks about it, but few have read it...

Rest assured, I have common sense stored on my hard drive...

I'm sorry Yoli is having the unwanted advances. This whole thing kind of reminds me of the 1985 movie Better off Dead with John Cusack. Specifically the sub-plot where the mother of the neighbor decides to host a female French foreign exchange student so her son might have a chance with a girl.

Are you feeling a bit like a French foreign exchange student, Yoli? You can always go throw some fruit at a street sign to vent some of your frustration. Too bad you already spoke to them, or you could feign not knowing English.

Let's hope you can get Ricky Smith and Mrs. Smith off your back soon.

I rarely reply to Yoli's stories, but her life would certainly make for an entertaining mini-series.