Baby Jokes!!

[blondboy (imported)]

Bottle Fed Baby

A woman and a baby come into the doctor's office.

She is taken into an examining room and waits for the doctor.

After arriving there, the doctor examines the baby, and finds him not gaining much weight and asks the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?"

"Oh...he is breast fed!", replied the woman.

"Well then, strip down to your waist," orders the doctor.

She takes off her top and bra and sits on the examing table.

The doc starts pressing, kneading and pinching both breasts for quite a while in a very detailed and thorough examination.

The doc motions to her to get dressed, then the doctor says -

"No wonder this baby is so hungry. You don't have any milk!"

The woman with a wry grin on her face responds..."Well of course I don't."

"I'm his aunt - but I'm SURE GLAD I brought him in!"

Baby Birth

An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.

It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child.

The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

"Well, hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!".

Things Not To Say During Childbirth....

-- Gosh, you're lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth. -- Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts? -- I hope your ready. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in fifteen minutes. -- If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball. -- That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner? -- When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar. -- You don't need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment. -- This whole experience kind of reminds me of an episode from I Love Lucy. -- Oops! Which cord was I supposed to cut? -- Stop your swearing and just breathe. -- Remember what we learned in Lamaze class! HEE HEE HOO HOO. You're not using the right words. -- Your stomach still looks like there's another one in there.

Little Johnny's new baby brother

Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, “Where'd we get him?” His mother replied, “He came from heaven, Johnny.” Johnny says, “WOW! I can see why they threw him out!”

[snakecharmer (imported)]

Good ones! Thanks

[Charis (imported)]

All good and well worth forwarding to friends