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Things to Ponder
Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 7:39 am
by Charis (imported)
Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.
Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.
There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.
Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one busted condom.
If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits
on the highway?
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
Re: Things to Ponder
Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 11:10 am
by ramses (imported)
Thanks. I just sent that one to all my friends!
Re: Things to Ponder
Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 1:51 pm
by kristoff
Thank you, George Carlin.
Re: Things to Ponder
Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 6:10 pm
by OneBallBoi (imported)
Subject: FW: 'Twas the night before elections
'Twas the night before elections
And all through the town
Tempers were flaring
Emotions all up and down!
I, in my bathrobe
With a cat in my lap
Had cut off the TV
Tired of political crap.
When all of a sudden
There arose such a noise
I peered out of my window
Saw Obama and his boys
They had come for my wallet
They wanted my pay
To give to the others
Who had not worked a day!
He snatched up my money
And quick as a wink
Jumped back on his bandwagon
As I gagged from the stink
He then rallied his henchmen
Who were pulling his cart
I could tell they were out
To tear my country apart!
' On Fannie, on Freddie,
On Biden and Ayers!
On Acorn, On Pelosi
He screamed at the pairs!
They took off for his cause
And as he flew out of sight
I heard him laugh at the nation
Who wouldn't stand up and fight!
So I leave you to think
On this one final note-
IF YOU DONT WANT SOCIALISM
GET OUT AND VOTE!!!!
Re: Things to Ponder
Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 6:21 pm
by OneBallBoi (imported)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Notice to All Employees
As of November 5, 2008, if President Obama is officially elected into office, our company will instill a few new policies which are in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness:
1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales commissions into a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve to give those of you who are underachieving a "fair shake."
2. All hourly employees will be pooling their wages, including overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst yourselves. This will help those who are "too busy for overtime" to reap the rewards from those who have more spare time and can work extra hours.
3. All top management will now be referred to as "the government." We will not participate in this "pooling" experience because the law doesn't apply to us.
4. The "government" will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging its workers to continue to work hard "for the good of all."
5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it's "good to spread the wealth." Those of you who have underachieved will finally get an opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had success will feel more "patriotic."
6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. Don't feel bad though, because President Obama will give you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free food stamps, and he'll let you stay in your home for as long as you want even if you can't pay your mortgage. If you appeal directly to our democratic congress, you might even get a free flat screen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn't all Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?) !!!
If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you may want to rethink your vote on November 4th.
Re: Things to Ponder
Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 7:44 pm
by kristoff
OneBallBoi (imported) wrote: Wed Oct 29, 2008 6:21 pm
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Notice to All Employees
As of November 5, 2008, if President Obama is officially elected into office, our company will instill a few new policies which are in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness:
1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales commissions into a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve to give those of you who are underachieving a "fair shake."
2. All hourly employees will be pooling their wages, including overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst yourselves. This will help those who are "too busy for overtime" to reap the rewards from those who have more spare time and can work extra hours.
3. All top management will now be referred to as "the government." We will not participate in this "pooling" experience because the law doesn't apply to us.
4. The "government" will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging its workers to continue to work hard "for the good of all."
5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it's "good to spread the wealth." Those of you who have underachieved will finally get an opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had success will feel more "patriotic."
6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. Don't feel bad though, because President Obama will give you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free food stamps, and he'll let you stay in your home for as long as you want even if you can't pay your mortgage. If you appeal directly to our democratic congress, you might even get a free flat screen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn't all Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?) !!!
If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you may want to rethink your vote on November 4th.
Sounds good to me, OBB. Sign me up. I'm voting for Obama!
Re: Things to Ponder
Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 9:17 pm
by Riverwind (imported)
OneBallBoi (imported) wrote: Wed Oct 29, 2008 6:10 pm
Subject: FW: 'Twas the night before elections
'Twas the night before elections
And all through the town
Tempers were flaring
Emotions all up and down!
I, in my bathrobe
With a cat in my lap
Had cut off the TV
Tired of political crap.
When all of a sudden
There arose such a noise
I peered out of my window
Saw Obama and his boys
They had come for my wallet
They wanted my pay
To give to the others
Who had not worked a day!
He snatched up my money
And quick as a wink
Jumped back on his bandwagon
As I gagged from the stink
He then rallied his henchmen
Who were pulling his cart
I could tell they were out
To tear my country apart!
' On Fannie, on Freddie,
On Biden and Ayers!
On Acorn, On Pelosi
He screamed at the pairs!
They took off for his cause
And as he flew out of sight
I heard him laugh at the nation
Who wouldn't stand up and fight!
So I leave you to think
On this one final note-
IF YOU DONT WANT SOCIALISM
GET OUT AND VOTE!!!!
Given a choice of what we have had or socialism, I will take socialism because capitalism only works for those that are most greedy.
River
Re: Things to Ponder
Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 9:23 pm
by Riverwind (imported)
kristoff wrote: Wed Oct 29, 2008 7:44 pm
Sounds good to me, OBB. Sign me up. I'm voting for Obama!
hmmmm, yes it has a nice ring to it.
You know what is really funny is that they (the republicans) keep saying Obama is the most liberal person in congress but when your that far to the right that puts Obama just about middle of the road. Its all a mater of the view.
River
Re: Things to Ponder
Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 10:34 pm
by Arab Nights (imported)
I read a good quote that socialism is when the poor gorge at the public trough. Capitalism is when the rich do so. It really pains me, but it is tough to disagree with a really, really big bail out
Re: Things to Ponder
Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 10:44 pm
by Arab Nights (imported)
Sorry. Got interrupted and ended up pushing the send button too soon. I had just read an interview with a former Sec. Treasury Paul O'Neil. He made the distinction between guaranteeing financial instruments and guaranteeing companies. With a big bucket of money available, it is raher unseemly all the companies that want a piece. I could buy that salaries reflect results - but now?
