The Best of Late Night...

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Charis (imported)
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The Best of Late Night...

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Not a good sign: I swung by my bank today to make a withdrawal — it’s now a nail salon.

- Jay Leno

John McCain’s wife is angry. Cindy lashed out at the ladies of “The View” after the McCains appeared on the show. In response, Barbara Walters said, “She’s just mad because I dated her husband during the Civil War.”

- Conan O'Brien

:D

He and Obama are tied. The polls are saying today that they each have 56 percent. Is it me? I think people are thinking it’s like “American Idol” — you can vote as many times as you like.

- Craig Ferguson

As happens in times of financial crises, the price of gold has skyrocketed. By the time the market closed yesterday, the value of Flavor Flav’s mouth doubled.

- Jimmy Kimmel

In her blog, Lindsay Lohan is speaking out against Sarah Palin, though most people are reserving judgment until they hear from Nicole Richie and Jessica Simpson.

- Jay Leno

Speaking of BlackBerrys — according to a new poll, the BlackBerry is so addictive that 87 percent of users bring their BlackBerrys to their bedrooms. And you know what they say ladies, once you go BlackBerry . . ."

- Conan O'Brien

The OJ Simpson trial started yesterday. It was exciting for me, because I was worried that my kids would not get to experience their own OJ trial.

- Jimmy Kimmel

Barack Obama’s campaign just announced that Barbra Streisand will headline an upcoming fundraiser for Obama. After hearing this, John McCain said, "And he says I’m out of touch with the American people."

-Conan O'Brien

August was a big fundraising month for the candidates: Barack Obama set a record for fundraising in August — $66 million. John McCain raised $47 million. Ralph Nader got a $10 gift card from Jamba Juice.

- Jay Leno

The other day John McCain appeared on the show "The View," and one of the hosts accused McCain of being a liar. She may have a point, because McCain started the interview by saying, "Ladies, you look beautiful.”

- Conan O'Brien

This week, Karl Rove said that John McCain’s attack ads on Barack Obama have gone too far. When Karl Rove says you’ve gone too far . . . that’s like Mel Gibson saying you’ve had too much to drink. It’s like Keith Richards telling Amy Winehouse to ease up on the drugs . . .

- Craig Ferguson
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