Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Operator: "What sort of trouble??"

Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Operator: "Went away?"

Caller: "They disappeared."

Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

Caller: "Nothing."

Operator: "Nothing??"

Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"

Caller: "How do I tell?"

Operator: "Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??"

Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"

Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

Caller: "There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"

Caller: "What's a monitor?"

Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"

Caller: "I don't know."

Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"

Caller: "Yes, I think so."

Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Caller: "Yes, it is."

Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"

Caller: "No."

Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

Caller: "Okay, here it is."

Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

Caller: "I can't reach."

Operator: "OK. Well, can you see if it is??"

Caller: "No."

Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"

Calle "Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark."

Operator: "Dark??"

Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."

Caller: "I can't."

Operator: "No? Why not??"

Caller: "Because there's a power failure."

Operator: "A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in??"

Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"

Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"

Operator: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!"

I miss the sea prompt. lol..

This has been around from the DOS days, but it is still totally funny. I used to have customers who were equally stupid. One of the benefits of being retired is I can pick and choose those I wish to help.

Speed

A long time ago, I worked in movie theaters, and everyday at the LEAST, one person would ask:

"What time does the 8:00 movie start?"

I worked there for a long time. It amazed me every time it happened.

I remember working at McDonalds when I was younger. I can't tell you how many times I heard at the drive through window "and make that to go."

Working in a bar & grill I heard some beauties too.

Can I have a virgin screwdriver?

Is Foster's Lager a pilsner beer?

Are your ribs boneless?

I try to look at these people as free entertainment.

The Lurker (imported) wrote: Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:44 pm A long time ago, I worked in movie theaters, and everyday at the LEAST, one person would ask:

"What time does the 8:00 movie start?"

I worked there for a long time. It amazed me every time it happened.

At the cinema near my house, the time might be 8pm but the movie doesn't start for at least another 15 minutes thanks to the previews and advertisements. And the ticket sellers direct people to movies after the start times just because they know how long they have to fill the theater.

I guess that the more precise question is when does the movie start after the previews. But then, that requires a few brain cells to work together

Q: By the way, do you know why they quit making theaters with balconies?

A: popcorn - balcony popcorn. That's unpopped and thrown over the edge in handfuls. Balcony popcorn.

Are your ribs boneless?

McDonald's made a processed patty of pork stuff that they formed into a shape that resembled ribs (had thick ridges and thin parts) and they sold it as barbecued ribs. A friend of mine ate it and said that Jimmy Dean's sausage left out three days had a better consistency. This was smooth, not chewy like real pork.

Now don't get me wrong, pork that's been cooked to falling apart and shredded into stringy, chewy goodness is one of life's ultimate pleasures. But formed and processed patties of indeterminate pork parts. I mean hot dogs are better for you to eat and we all know the mysteries of hot dogs.

When I was a bartender during college, I used to like "Beer, on tap - in a glass."

I used to keep a plastic cup handy for those people and tell them we were all out of glasses, or would they prefer an empty ice cream bucket?

Back in the day before technology eliminated the mini-serve pump jockey, truck drivers used to order "#2 diesel" at the truck islands, where there were no gas pumps. Uhm, OK, like I can't tell that that smoking, rattling behemoth takes DIESEL fuel?!

Bill Engvall said it best - "Here's your sign!"

"

micropenis (imported) wrote: Thu Sep 18, 2008 2:49 pm Can I have a virgin screwdriver?

"

lol!!

micropenis (imported) wrote: Thu Sep 18, 2008 2:49 pm I remember working at McDonalds when I was younger. I can't tell you how many times I heard at the drive through window "and make that to go."

Working in a bar & grill I heard some beauties too.

Can I have a virgin screwdriver?

Is Foster's Lager a pilsner beer?

Are your ribs boneless?

I try to look at these people as free entertainment.

I love that.