Transgender humor
Posted: Fri May 30, 2008 8:37 pm
I know this will come as a shock to many of you, but I can be pretty damned serious at times 
Nonetheless, I really do have a good sense of humor and regularly joke about my 'situation' with close coworkers, friends and even my boss!
I am up late because I can get into work later than usual tomorrow. I've stolen some of the time from my extra morning hours to find something funny to post. Then it's off to bed. Here is some transgender humor posted at http://ts-si.org/content/view/3116/995/
Deep Mystic: Searching For The Transgender Humor Gene
TS-Si Op-Ed Pages - Global Warning
Lisa Jain Thompson
Saturday, 12 April 2008
Springfield, VA, USA. It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. If you can’t laugh at yourself, perhaps you should seriously consider ERT (Ego Reduction Therapy). Urban myth has it that lesbians have no sense of humor. If so, what can be said of the transgendered community, those oh so deadly serious watchdogs of political correctness, lying in wait to pack attack should anyone dare not to give them the full metal respect they so loudly demand?
I’m not saying the HBS (Note by Danya: Harry Benjamin Syndrome) women are comic geniuses (although if you’ve ever heard post-ops talk about the perils of the #5 dildo …), but the transgenders, the men who are women, are down right prickly about it if you attempt to be humorous about their situation (then again, perhaps they see nothing humorous in life, consumed as they are with the seriousness of being who they say they are).
_____________________________________________
After being away on business, the transgender thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
Flipping his hair back out of his face, he asked the girl behind the cosmetics counter
How about some perfume?
She showed him a bottle costing $50.00, spraying a sample on his wrist.
That's a bit much.
said the transgender.
The girl returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.
That's still quite a bit, more than I’m willing to invest in this,
the transgender complained.
Growing annoyed, the girl brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.
What I mean,
said the transgender,
is I'd like to see something really cheap.
The girl handed him a mirror.
______________________________________________
On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.
One transgender in particular loses it. Screaming, he stands up in the front of the plane.
I'm too young to die!
he wails.
Then he yells,
Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! No one has ever made me really feel like a real woman, not even my wife. Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??
For a moment there is silence. everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate transgender in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane.
I can make you feel like a woman,
he says.
Then this tall, tanned and well muscled guy with jet black eyes starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves. No one says a word.
As this man approaches, the transgender begins to get excited.
The man removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches the excited transgender.
The smell of all that testosterone fills the cabin. The man extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling transgender, and whispers:
Iron this.
__________________________________________
A judge was interviewing a transgender regarding his pending divorce and asked,
What are the grounds for your divorce?
The transgender replied,
About four acres and a nice little home with a 72 inch HD screen and the NFL Season Ticket.
No,
the Judge said,
I mean what is the foundation of this case?
MAC Studio Fix Powder Plus in four, carefully layered shades,
the Transgender responded.
I mean,
The judge continued,
What are your relations like?
The transgender thought for a moment,
When I’m dressed or when I am in boy clothes?
The judge asked,
Do you have a real grudge?
No,
the transgender replied,
We both have walk in closets and a rooms of our own and have never really needed one.
Please,
the judge tried again,
is there any infidelity in your marriage?
Yes, both my son and daughter have iPODS. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is yes.
Does your wife ever beat you up?
Yes,
the trangender responded,
about twice a week she gets up earlier than I do.
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked,
Just answer this question: why do you want a divorce?
Oh, I don't want a divorce,
the transgender replied.
I've never wanted a divorce. My wife does. She says she can't communicate with me!
__________________________________________________ ____________________
There were 11 people hanging on to a single rope that suspended them from a helicopter trying to bring them to safety. Ten were transgenders; one was a post-op HBS woman.
They all decided that one person would have to let go because if they didn't, the rope would break and all of them would die.
No one could decide who it should be. Finally the HBS woman gave a really touching speech, saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving things up for their husbands and children and giving in to men.
All of the transgenders started clapping.
Nonetheless, I really do have a good sense of humor and regularly joke about my 'situation' with close coworkers, friends and even my boss!I am up late because I can get into work later than usual tomorrow. I've stolen some of the time from my extra morning hours to find something funny to post. Then it's off to bed. Here is some transgender humor posted at http://ts-si.org/content/view/3116/995/
Deep Mystic: Searching For The Transgender Humor Gene
TS-Si Op-Ed Pages - Global Warning
Lisa Jain Thompson
Saturday, 12 April 2008
Springfield, VA, USA. It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. If you can’t laugh at yourself, perhaps you should seriously consider ERT (Ego Reduction Therapy). Urban myth has it that lesbians have no sense of humor. If so, what can be said of the transgendered community, those oh so deadly serious watchdogs of political correctness, lying in wait to pack attack should anyone dare not to give them the full metal respect they so loudly demand?
I’m not saying the HBS (Note by Danya: Harry Benjamin Syndrome) women are comic geniuses (although if you’ve ever heard post-ops talk about the perils of the #5 dildo …), but the transgenders, the men who are women, are down right prickly about it if you attempt to be humorous about their situation (then again, perhaps they see nothing humorous in life, consumed as they are with the seriousness of being who they say they are).
_____________________________________________
After being away on business, the transgender thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
Flipping his hair back out of his face, he asked the girl behind the cosmetics counter
How about some perfume?
She showed him a bottle costing $50.00, spraying a sample on his wrist.
That's a bit much.
said the transgender.
The girl returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.
That's still quite a bit, more than I’m willing to invest in this,
the transgender complained.
Growing annoyed, the girl brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.
What I mean,
said the transgender,
is I'd like to see something really cheap.
The girl handed him a mirror.
______________________________________________
On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.
One transgender in particular loses it. Screaming, he stands up in the front of the plane.
I'm too young to die!
he wails.
Then he yells,
Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! No one has ever made me really feel like a real woman, not even my wife. Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??
For a moment there is silence. everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate transgender in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane.
I can make you feel like a woman,
he says.
Then this tall, tanned and well muscled guy with jet black eyes starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves. No one says a word.
As this man approaches, the transgender begins to get excited.
The man removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches the excited transgender.
The smell of all that testosterone fills the cabin. The man extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling transgender, and whispers:
Iron this.
__________________________________________
A judge was interviewing a transgender regarding his pending divorce and asked,
What are the grounds for your divorce?
The transgender replied,
About four acres and a nice little home with a 72 inch HD screen and the NFL Season Ticket.
No,
the Judge said,
I mean what is the foundation of this case?
MAC Studio Fix Powder Plus in four, carefully layered shades,
the Transgender responded.
I mean,
The judge continued,
What are your relations like?
The transgender thought for a moment,
When I’m dressed or when I am in boy clothes?
The judge asked,
Do you have a real grudge?
No,
the transgender replied,
We both have walk in closets and a rooms of our own and have never really needed one.
Please,
the judge tried again,
is there any infidelity in your marriage?
Yes, both my son and daughter have iPODS. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is yes.
Does your wife ever beat you up?
Yes,
the trangender responded,
about twice a week she gets up earlier than I do.
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked,
Just answer this question: why do you want a divorce?
Oh, I don't want a divorce,
the transgender replied.
I've never wanted a divorce. My wife does. She says she can't communicate with me!
__________________________________________________ ____________________
There were 11 people hanging on to a single rope that suspended them from a helicopter trying to bring them to safety. Ten were transgenders; one was a post-op HBS woman.
They all decided that one person would have to let go because if they didn't, the rope would break and all of them would die.
No one could decide who it should be. Finally the HBS woman gave a really touching speech, saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving things up for their husbands and children and giving in to men.
All of the transgenders started clapping.