I haven't hear anything from my family yet. Of course, it's only been about 22 hours since I sent the email. They do have their own lives to lead. My niece already knows my situation. Perhaps they all view this as a non-issue and don't feel a need to respond Uh, probably not.

-Danya

Danya (imported) wrote: Mon Feb 11, 2008 2:37 pm I haven't hear anything from my family yet. Of course, it's only been about 22 hours since I sent the email. They do have their own lives to lead. My niece already knows my situation. Perhaps they all view this as a non-issue and don't feel a need to respond Uh, probably not.

-Danya

I can't remember where I saw this but in this movie (as an example) this guy says to his mom "Mom I'm Gay" and she looks at him like (Duh) and says "honey I've known that for a long time. The father walks in and the guy is all wigged out and the mom says "Our son is gay" the Dad sighs and says, "Well I'm glad THATS over with whats for dinner?"

What seems so important to us is often important to us... not always anyone else. My whole deal with body image etc. Who does this effect other then me? Ahh.... only Mrs T and she is mostly interested because I am. So don't sweat it.

I'm just slightly concerned because I think my note was indicating I wanted a response of support. The fact is, knowing them all they may just assume this is a given. All but my niece and my sister-in-law have difficulty expressing their feelings.

It would still be nice to at least get an acknowledgement that they heard me. For a day or two after I sent the note, I was surprised and saddened I didn't get that acknowledgment. Now, I've accepted that may never happen and I'm getting used to that idea. I know I will be OK with this.

This is what I sent, with names changed to protect the innocent

Dear A,B,C,D,E,

I’d prefer to do this in person but I’m not going to see any of you in the near future. I know at least some of you don’t like talking on the phone, either.

Since early November, I’ve been working on transgender issues I’ve had all my life that I could never face before. I’ve been going to a gender clinic. After the first two visits, I was diagnosed with the official medical term ‘Gender Identity Disorder’. I sometimes jokingly say I’m gender challenged

I want to briefly point out that the U clinic and other advanced centers do not view gender as simply a male or female thing. It’s more like a continuum the way sexuality (straight – bi – gay) is pictured.

The very important thing here is that for the first time in my life I am happy and content all the time, literally. I never thought this was a possibility for me and it’s still amazing.

I realize this news may be surprising or even shocking to you and I understand and accept that. I don’t want to overdo things right now with long explanations. I’m very open about my situation at work, in church and with friends and all have been supportive. I’m really fortunate that way. If you have questions or concerns of any type, I’ll be very happy to discuss them.

I’m sure you need some time to adjust but I’m hopeful that you will continue to love and support me. I love all of you very much. This is the most difficult letter I’ve ever written because I don’t want to lose you. I need to be true to myself, though, and now I know I’ve come home to the person I truly am.

Much love,

'my legal name'

Hey Todd,

I wanted to post because I can identify with so much of what you've written in this thread (and others). My heart goes out to you. I guess no matter who you are or what you do, your parents opinion always seems to matter. Is it validation we're looking for? I'm not sure. I know my parents will always have a hard time understanding and accepting this (though probably mostly the former). Yet it does seem important to me that they know.

I hope you get a response. Better yet.. a positive one. Frankly, if that email ended up in my inbox I'd want you to come right over, crack open the vodka and down a few celebratory drinks with me!

But your family may also find it quite confusing. If you were telling them you're actually their daughter, I suspect they would at least have a fighting chance of understanding. What you describe sounds like the same difficulty I have explaining this. I am definitely not male. But I'm not really female either.

I guess with these issues of identity: 'male'/'female'...'gay'/'bi'/'trangender' etc. maybe we need to remember that they ARE only labels. Just English words that help catagorize peoples' behaviour. Nothing more, nothing less.

We are all unique in some way, so these labels will never fit ANYONE perfectly. But they may also harbour misleading stereotypes.

I guess this is why I can't explain myself to people easily, because I often find there are no labels, parallels or anything I can use to help explain what I am.

I guess labels are a blessing and a curse.

First, before I go into this, I really want to thank you, Rog, for your sensitive, caring response. This kind of thing is very much in character for you. I'm happy you took the time to write, I hear you have a very hectic schedule. If we were close enough, I'd love to share some vodka!

BTW, both of my parents are dead and that left me the oldest surviving relative on both sides of the family at the age of about 50. That took a little getting used to but it's been made easier by the fact that none of the younger siblings, cousins, etc. ever come to me for advice

I just got home from work and my youngest brother's wife had left a message on my phone. She sounded a bit teary-eyed and basically said that of course they still loved me and they always would. She was kind of at a loss for words as she repeated the same basic things several times with slight variations. That's perfectly fine, even more so because she hates talking on the phone. She added that I should keep them informed of what would be happening in my life. I'm extremely happy about this right now and am, in fact, crying.

Yes, Rog, somehow it is important to me that they've affirmed their love for me. I'm certain they have a way to go on understanding even though both my brother and his wife have masters degrees in counseling.

Now, I just have to wait and see what my unmarried California brother has to say. When he's in doubt about things, he tends to call my sister-in-law to get her advice. So I suspect his response, which may be longer in coming, will be at least accepting and may include something like I'm still his brother (or whatever ).

The response I got from the Dallas relatives was exactly what I'd hoped it would be. I couldn't have expected more than this right now.

-Danya

Late this afternoon, I got a phone call from my divorced, conservative Christian brother.. I mentioned in my last post here that

Danya (imported) wrote: Fri Feb 15, 2008 6:16 pm he tends to call my sister-in-law

when he's in any doubt about how to behave or react to things in his life. (As a reminder, my sister-in-law left a message in mid-February stating that of course they, meaning the Dallas relatives, supported me and loved me). From past experience, I suspect he's spoken to my sister-in-law about me recently.

The truth is, I was shocked when my brother called. We haven't spoken over the phone in years as he, like my other brother and his family, doesn't like to talk on the phone! I knew he'd eventually want to get around to my transgender situation although he started the conversation describing his impending move. As another reminder here, I've been identifying more as male to female for some time than male to eunuch. Of course, right now I am a chemically castrated eunuch and proud of it

He was never able to get 'transgender' out of his mouth to start a discussion so I asked if wanted to talk about that. He did and he wanted lots of information. I told him just about everything I considered important to aid his understanding of what's going on with me and why I needed to deal with this. Besides, he kept asking for more information. I discussed my childhood memories that are related to being transgendered, how I hated puberty and similar things. I was very candid even to the point of briefly mentioning self-harming, with an explanation that this is not uncommon among TG folks who don't know where to turn for help. I told him that for the two weeks before I asked my psychiatrist for a referral to a gender clinic, I'd been drinking 5 - 6 beers a night and self-harming every night. Then I explained that the two weeks was as far as I could allow that to go on. I could either become an alcoholic or deal with my gender dysphoria.

I was also very clear on how psychologically testing done at the gender clinic at the University found that I am very well-balanced psychologically and

Danya (imported) wrote: Thu Feb 14, 2008 7:09 pm that for the first time in my life I am

truly happy and free of depression most of the time. I let him know that I've been on an anti-androgen since early November and that I might start some estrogen soon. If I start estrogen, it could be on the same day he moves into his new home

He told me he was finding it difficult to deal with the fact that I am transgender and I responded that I understood and appreciated his honesty. It had taken me decades to finally deal with my gender issues.

He stated that he's been wishing for years that we had a better relationship. That's been strained since we were kids, in part because he then looked at me as being his strange, effeminate brother. My being that way made him very uncomfortable as a child and especially as a teen. I responded that I appreciated his honesty. The situation is, though, that I clearly remember his discomfort with me showing itself in the way he often treated me, which was often pretty cruelly and sometimes he'd do this together with his friends. We were both kids then and I don't hold this against him now. I will visit him in mid-April if I can find a decent air fare.

I know that some of you will feel I went into way too much detail with my brother and you could be right, but I don't think so. He is scientifically trained as am I. We both want lots of information. At no time did he seem to be at all bothered by anything I was telling him. I had asked him to let me know if he was getting uncomfortable. I think the details helped him get a little better grasp on gender issues that have bothered me for decades. If he had not specifically asked for more information, I would not have volunteered it. Besides, it's healthy for me to admit to the danger of developing a drinking problem and other similar things that many people would try to hide.

At the end of the conversation, I told him something Jesus had suggested and I thought this was a terrific idea. I let him know that I would always be his sibling.

-Danya

Danya

It sounds like things are going good for you and that you had a healthy discussion with your brother only you can be the judge of how much info one gets now all you can do now is give him some time to digests every thing

I am glad you had a wonderful conversation with your brother. I do not think you gave him too much information. You know him better than anyone so no one can say what was appropriate.

I also had a younger brother who struggled having a gay brother. Your brother could not say transgendered which has several syllables and my brother can not say gay and that is only one. Sounds like you are making progress.

Danya,

I much admire your courage. I can only imagine the trepidation you must have felt when you sent "The Message". I doubt I'd have had the ovaries to do it.

For me, revealing my "Castration Fascination" and my bisexuality to my much-trusted sister was truly an exercise in fear and apprehension. She was a bit taken aback, but was NOT judgmental. In fact, she occasionally asks me for details.

The best part of it all was her pledge of silence so far as the rest of my family goes. She knows that discovering that one of their daughters is bisexual would shake Mom and Dad (not to mention Grandparents) to the core. Learning of my little koven of castration-interested fellow females and my intimate relationship with a eunuch would send them over the edge. The other intimate relationship, that being with a married couple, would not be a welcome revelation either.

Thanks for sharing your ongoing story. You are a strong person.

Best wishes,

Yoli

That Semi-Sane Girl in San Antonio

Kennath and Tugon,

I really appreciate your encouraging words, a lot! I'm very happy right now.

Danya