LUV,
Headaches, migrane headaches, generally have a psychological component. This does not mean that they are not real. They ARE real, VERY real. But it does give one pause to analyze and to retain the belief that there is nothing physically wrong after the proper tests are performed to rule out such terrible things as aneurysms, brain tumors and other horrendous physical abnormalities.
Love is a phenomenon that makes all of us physically ill at one point or another. It is my learned opinion that it makes us mentally ill, also. The things that we do when we are in love that jepardize ourself, our bodies, our minds and our lives are illogical at best and insane at the worst.
Love is no respector of gender, race, age or even species in some cases. But the more emotional we get while we are in this mental state the more damage that we can do to our minds, our bodies, our souls and the lives of those who are around us.
At some point your view of your significant other must "NORMALIZE" if your life is to get better. You must realize that there are others who are more deserving of your love that the object that you have focused it upon. Perhaps I might suggest that the most deserving of your love is yourself. Your life and YOUR body and your mind are the most precious things that you have. You only get one of each. Anything that causes you to feel and to act as you are when you are hurting is not worthy of your affection.
When I was young I fell in love once. It lasted about 28 years. It is terrible. I have come to realize that my view of the object of my love was not realistic. I used to think that hormones caused me to "fall in love". That is not true. What causes us to fall in love is a mental process that allows us to place the object of our love ahead of our own existance. We simply cannot do that and remain alive. Luckily, the object of my affection did not claim me as a casuality. She was not destructive to both of us. Yes, we are still together, but sometimes I do not know how or why and I am sure that she does not know, either. But, believe me, others look much, much better than her now, and I am certain that they look better than me. I am in a position in life where others are available to me and vulnerable, some are no doubt even drowning, but having been through what I have been through, I will not jump in. I know better. I help when I can, but I maintain my safe distance.
In fact, we cannot do it, jump in, and truly "LOVE". We must first love ourselves. Then, once we have that resolved all else falls in place. We cannot allow others to put us into a mental or physical state that is destructive. Playful is one thing but DESTRUCTIVE will destroy us but worse it will contribute to the tearing down of those around us and in turn be destructive to humanity in general. While in the state I describe we do not care if we live or die, true. But those who look upon us, those with whom we share our existance care. Look at all of us who have responded to you on this post. We are your supporters. Some have been through the process that I describe. Some are still in it.
You must realize that you cannot truly love anybody but yourself, however, you can support the love of another for theirself. This is what each of us are doing for you now. It is in this way that humanity can show affection to each other without hurt or destruction.
Being in love is a bit like swimming in water that is above your head. If you lose the instinct for self perservation, you drown. If there is a drowning person close to you and you attempt to save them, they will climb upon you and cause you to drown. After they do that they will be in the same predicament in which you found them. They will be pathetic and looking for somebody else to "save" them, but you will be dead.
If you must love, do it from a position of strength, just as you must be on firm ground when you attempt to save somebody from drowning. BE aware that if you jump in with them that you had better be a damnned good swimmer (or lover of yourself) or you will surely drown. At that point it matters little that you are dead because they will still be downing.
Remember that a near death experience in such a situation as this can teach you how to swim. It can also teach you how to LOVE. It is a teachable moment and it is up to us to make it a learnable moment and to profit from it.
I have learned that love is not about sex. Sex is a part of it, but not it at all.
If you love and die in the process the object of your affection will no longer have somebody to love them, so you will have done them no good at all. Similarly, if you attempt to save a drowning person and you drown yourself, they will still be drowning. Your affection for them has no significance in their existance.
LUV, never forget. YOUR life will normalize. You WILL love again if it is only that you LOVE yourself.
And... that is not so bad, after all, you are a neat guy.
If you need us, we are here...
A-1
