With the lack of testosterone my behaviors are more in line with a mentally healthy person. While under the influence I was a danger to myself and an annoyance to others. I am fearful of ever using T and returning to the person I was before. I act now instead of reacting based on my no longer being driven by testosterone.

I am also happier with who I am today. As a eunuch I am more aligned with a natural feeling of self. I no longer have to struggle with the male side that did not feel right. I understand myself and my place in the world. I wish this could have happened for me a decade or two prior.

As far as depression I had more before castration. I can not say if it was hormonal or the mess my life was at the time. As I was recovering from castration I began to end some abusive situations and take care of myself. I think for the most part in the first 2/3 of my life depression was my most familiar emotion. I remember the first time I was prescribed antidepressants I was concerned that if I did not feel depressed what was left to feel.

Today my concerns for myself are how easy it would be to be a recluse. As wonderful a time I had at the MOM and as wonderful as everyone was I had some panic a few days before I was to travel. I have not been around that many folks at one time in years. I need to make myself do that more often. Of course next year will be easier. Another struggle I deal with is a sense of wrongness not about myself but about thoughts and ideas. I grew up with a lot of negative messages and dealt with much criticism in life and I find that keeps me from sharing my opinion or talking about my interests. I find it hard to call some folks out of fear of being a bore. I do not feel very significant. I wonder if this is not part of the lack of T for me, a new form of depression or I am still healing from all the trauma.

I guess I have asked more questions than I have answered. Sorry

When I studied psychology, about ten years ago, the gospel was that there was a connection between levels of Estrogen and serotonin/dopamin. Since then, there has been a switch in focus from dopamin towards noradrenaline (norepinephrine) besides serotonin, as a mood agent in general and as a factor in depression specifically. (With the development of the SNRI drugs.)

I think that there has also been a growing recognition that Testosteron may be affected/affect the levels of neurotransmitters in a similar way, along with the updated view that more men then previously thought may be diagnosed with clinical depression, even though the symptoms may differ slightly from the earlier diagnostic criteria.

homptydumpty (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 11, 2007 10:37 pm i have been on hormones now for a while and feel way outgoing and fun loving. i dont get down or mad as much, and feel way more open to interaction with clients at work, and friends and family.

z

What are you taking?

Eunuchist, good stuff as always. There are just so many conflicting studies out there that can show just about any position that you want to show, so it does become really difficult to know which studies to believe.

I think tugon's comments are interesting. It makes you wonder whether some of us are wired in such a way that hormones actually harm mental health rather than protect it. But I would imagine that these people would be in the minority. And don't worry, I have a hard time with large groups too and feel quite a bit like you mentioned

I should mention my PRE-CASTRATION experience with testosterone though...

My level was 3100ng/dl with anabolic cycles that would drop me to sub 100ng/dl level. This was the reason I went on chems in the first place, the cycle drove me crazy. Had even worse depression, diagnosed as bipolar, but it seems it was just bad hormone cycles. Now im surgical and on TRT, i feel 1000% better.... I went through T withdraw and settled into my comfort area for 5 years, the eunuch calm was satisfying, but, im in a sexual relationship again and so the effect is not desirable, and a depression cycle hit me again because I ran out of the wellbutrin and had bad stuff happen to me. The TRT really is preferred for me now, i am happy though that many of us have become happy without the T though, you probably will outlive me because of it... lol...

devi (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 11, 2007 4:45 pm It's been two months now since I lost my nuts and all I know is that I feel perfectly fine. I just wish that my incision would hurry up and heal all the way is all. But I may not have had much testosterone to begin with.

I've been without T for about the same period of time and I feel great. I think a lot of it has to do with your mood before castration and your reasons for castration. I looked forward to the day that I was no longer a slave to T. I think Dev shares this sentiment.

If your reasons for wanting castration or penetectomy were based on fantasy, then I can understand why you would be depressed afterwards.