Place in the family?

[balletkyle (imported)]

This thread has had me thinking about my own family life. I doubt that I ever turly fit in with my four older sibblings. The only one of my brothers that treated me with respect and sought my advice on life issues. The first one of my familiy memebers that I came out to died two years ago next week. I'm not close to the remaining three siblings. My parents, well lets just say that therapy is helping me move on from that issue....I've been made to feel like the black sheep of the family.

With out further study I doubt that the feeling of having been on the periphery of the family is a factor or a symptom of Transgenderism or that of becoming a eunuch. I like to think that it's that feeling we had knowing that we were different from other people that made us feel safer to be on the periphery? This also brings up the question how many people do we fully trust in our daily lives? I can honestly say that I can't think of one in my own life.

Food for thought

Kyle

[Jean Op den Kamp (imported)]

What brought this topic to mind had to do with birthdays and holidays. I am having yet another birthday and when asked what I would like to do this year my suggestion was followed by laughter. I would much rather make a big deal out of someone elses birthday than anyone do so for me. The one thing I always wanted was for my birthday to be the equal of my siblings. Many birthdays were barely noticed or forgotten. This did not happen to anyone else in the family. I also had an uncle who for two years in a row would buy something for everyone at Christmas but me. When this happens it reminds me of my status in the family.

Another aspect of my life was never introducing friends to family. I never wanted my friends to see how I was treated. Of course on the other hand my family never asked or showed interest in meeting my friends. Just last year was the first time I introduced somone I was dating to family. At 52 and many men later they finally met one. Of course mother was dead and she was the one who showed the most disapproval towards my bringing a date. Some members spoke to us and others kept their distance.

I have friends that are more like family and I have filled my life with them. My chosen family likes me more than that other bunch.

You already told my this story, don't you remember. It is good to see it on the board. Don't try to grow over it, you cann't win. If you start to handle it, that's a nice beginning

So good luck with your new family

J***

[Jean Op den Kamp (imported)]

I have friends that are more like family and I have filled my life with them. My chosen family likes me more than that other bunch.

Hi Tugon

Sometimes a new family can grow bigger then you ever expect.

I got my pasport and visa for Vietnam today. I need it on Saterday.

It came to the Embassy last friday, and my mother got a phonecall she couldn't understand.

Today, I got a phonecall, My pasport and visa and a letter from them saying: Thanks

They have refused to work me a one month visa as I should feel free to stay.

They had decided friday, to work my visa the same day and charged the lowest price that was possible with their administration, and it's a three month visa.

I know very well, that I found a new live, and a big family in Vietnam, but today is a very big surprice. They made that phonecall today again, even altough they already send a special letter, to make me understand that I should consider Vietnam as my family

I can assure you that this is a great feeling, I've tears in my eyes

[Danya (imported)]

Hi Tugon

Sometimes a new family can grow bigger then you ever expect.

I got my pasport and visa for Vietnam today. I need it on Saterday.

Congratulations!

...

I know very well, that I found a new live, and a big family in Vietnam, but today is a very big surprice. They made that phonecall today again, even altough they already send a special letter, to make me understand that I should consider Vietnam as my family

I can assure you that this is a great feeling, I've tears in my eyes

You sound very excited and happy, Nomorehotbutt. Again, congratulations. Best wishes, too.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

I am the oldest of three children, all 'boys'. My parents and brothers knew I was very different and did not fit in. I tried to fit in but I was never very successful. For whatever reason, I could not force myself to do what other boys did. I did not play with them, and did not do boy things. Generally, I didn't want to be around boys at any stage of my childhood. Being in groups of boys made me very anxious.

Did my parents treat me differently than my brothers? In some ways they did, especially my father. When I was in junior high, my father essentially gave up on me and spent little time with me from then on. He did ask if I was OK with this! He spent a lot of time with my youngest brother, who was very much a boy, and a fair amount of time with my other brother. Now that I'm writing this out, it seems more surreal to me.

I have few memories before I turned 9 years old. That's when we moved from a large city to the suburbs. What memories survive from those early years mostly involve feeling alone in the world and depressed. And hating time spent with boys.

After the age of 9, it was clear most of my teachers understood me no better than my parents. A few made comments about how different I was.

As for my mother, my middle brother has stated that she physically abused him. I believe him. I was emotionally abused by both parents. I'm not sure how my youngest brother feels about my mother or how he was treated. In most ways, though, he seems well adjusted.

What I read leads me to conclude that we don't have nearly enough knowledge to state that either nature or nurture is the major factor in one's developing a transgender or eunuch identity. I suspect the relative importance of nature and nurture varies among individuals.

For myself, I can say that my earliest memories are of not fitting in with boys in any way. What I loved was spending time with my same-age female playmate down the block. I was about 4 then. Memories are tricky, though. I may have been younger.

As you have found, Tugon, most of my family is really some good friends. A few I have met here, on the Archive, and there are several others. Two I have known since I was a freshman in college.

[Jean Op den Kamp (imported)]

Congratulations!

You sound very excited and happy, Nomorehotbutt. Again, congratulations. Best wishes, too.

Hugs,

Danya

Thanks Danya.

Yes I am excited, this feels just great. I can only stay one month this time, but I 'm going to enjoy every second.

Again, thanks