"Our President-elect, Barack Obama, was busy again today, picking his White House kickball team, or something like that. This morning, he nominated New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson to be secretary of commerce, which, given the state of our economy, might be the toughest cabinet job of all. Which means, once again, the Mexican guy gets stuck with the job that nobody else wants to do." --Jimmy Kimmel
"The big rumor is that Bill Clinton could be a possible replacement for Hillary Clinton's Senate seat when she becomes secretary of state. How about that, huh? Yeah. I believe it's the first time Bill has ever shown any interest in Hillary's seat. Isn't that ironic?" --Jay Leno
"Finally we got some good news about the economy. Barack Obama got $800 billion to rescue the economy. All I can say is, 'Thank you, Oprah.'" --David Letterman
"Everyone's talking about the American auto industry right now. A new study just came out and found that the Ford Motor Company makes the cars with the highest safety rating. Of all the cars, yeah. Yeah, apparently, Ford cars are so safe because they never leave the dealer's lot." --Conan O'Brien
"According to this week's Newsweek, in this bad economy, a lot of wealthy people are feeling what's known as luxury shame. They're embarrassed about their wealth while others are hurting. Although they say, after a few bottles of Cristal, that feeling goes away." --Jay Leno
"Today was the big day for online shopping. This is known as Cyber Monday. Did you know that? And of course, tomorrow is Identity Theft Tuesday." --Jay Leno
"Al Qaeda has declared war on the Somali pirates. That is awesome! Evil against evil. Like Alien versus Predator or Cheney versus his lawyer." --Craig Ferguson
