caramel apple

[twaddler (imported)]

There's this man with a bald head and a wooden leg who gets invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem. A few days later, he receives a parcel with a note: "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head, and with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate."

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a rude letter of complaint.

A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note which says: "Dear Sir, sorry about before, please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg, and with your bald head, you will really look the part."

Now the man is really annoyed, since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, and he writes the company a REALLY rude letter of complaint.

The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads; "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a jar of caramel. Pour the jar of caramel over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a candied apple!"

[wolverine1 (imported)]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ROFLMAO!!!!

Thanx Tanglog, I needed a good laugh tonight!! U did the trick! xx

[Riverwind (imported)]

I agree, I love it

River

[DeaconBlues (imported)]

Did I post this one before? If this joke has been posted here before, I am sorry for repeating it, but it is funny... Some hypersensetive people may feel that it is offensive and perpetuating a negative stereotype, to them I say "GET A FUCKING LIFE! And learn to laugh."

Well, herewith, the following offensive and pollitically incorrect joke about an Irishman who is dying.

Death of an Irishman….

Murphy comes out of the doctor’s exam room to meet his son waiting in the front office. “Da, what did the doctor say?” Murphy looked sadly at his son and said “No good news I’m afraid, I’ve cancer, maybe six months left to live at best.”

The son is shattered by the bad news, but the father says “We’re Irish, a tough lot. We take the good news and the bad with a pint and a song, and we move on. Come on to the pub now!”

At the pub, the two are drinking quietly and remeniscing when Murphy’s friends walk in and call over to him “Hey, Murph! How’s things now?” Murphy answers seriously, “Not too good I’m afraid. I’ve just been diagnosed with AIDS.”

Murphy’s son knew his dad well enough to just keep his mouth shut when his dad said things like that. Murphy’s friends were just so stunned, they hardly said a thing, after an uncomfortable period of silence, they offered their condolences, a round of drinks, and they left.

Now the son looked at his father, puzzled. “You told me you had cancer?!” Murphy replied “Oh relax son! I never had AIDS, I just don’t want any of them trying to sleep with your mother after I’m gone!”

[considering (imported)]

A man working in an office had been engaged in a long term relationship with a lady called Lorraine. All went well until a bright young thing called Clearly became me the receptionist. He was smitten but was also guilt ridden as there was the problem of Lorraine. They were walking by the river where he had planned to confess and break off the affair. But just before he could get the words out, Lorraine stumbled, fell in the river and was drowned. He walked away humming a tune, "I can see clearly now Lorraine is gone"...Don't blame me. It's one of the myriad "groans" from my physical therapist.