Why can't I make up my mind?

[plix (imported)]

So it's been just over two years that I have been a eunuch. Did E the first year, then decided being female wasn't right for me.

Since then I have gone back and forth from T to nothing to T again to nothing again to T again to nothing again. Can't be good on the body or mind.

Each time I go on T, I always end up deciding that it is not right for me. I should know better. I didn't wake up one morning and decide I would get cut. It was something I did for a reason, and when I truly think about it, I just cannot bring myself to say it was a mistake.

Each time that I go back on T, I always get the fun of waiting for it to wear off when I go back off, something I have little patience for (but what do I have patience for? ) It is even more frustrating because the shots seem to take longer to wear off than real T. Been 6 weeks since the last shot, but seems more like yesterday. It must really stay in the body a long time, or I just get rid of it slower than average. There was some gel use for a short while after the shots, but the gel should not stay anywhere near as long as the shots.

Why can't I just do what I know I need to do and stay off the T? I really hope that this time is the time that I finally make the right decision and stick with it.

[OneBallBoi (imported)]

I can only speak for me. I have no regrets in becoming a Eunuch. I have not had any T, I do not see the need for T. Yes, I have lost some strength. Yes, I get tired more rapidly. But for me, it is the right thing. In part, I think it is a mind thing. If you think positive, it will be positive.

[kristoff]

Plix, I have dealt with the exact same issue for several years, and it just doesnt seem to go away. A big part, I suspect, is one's original motivation(s). Examine those - then and now - and look for those NOT showing at the surface. I do know the "behind the scenes" story here, I just haven't gotten to the point where I have resolved it.

You are correct, the vascillation on the T and off is not good for the body. My hormonal system loses its "responsivity," if you will, the longer this goes on. Might as well toss the stuff in the river, by this time (for me).

[Glenda J (imported)]

Plix,

I wrestled with that same question for a long time myself. I am content with chemical castration and would not contemplate surgery unless there a clear medical reason for doing so. I have been unable to perform as a male in the sexual act not for going on 30 years. I wife and I have a very good relationship. My only regret is that I did not take the step sooner in my life.

Regards,

[Hash (imported)]

I use a small amount of "t" daily and my "t" levels range from 125-140 on average. This is enough for me and it keeps me competitive and sharp enough that I can function. Without this small amount I seem to get very lethargic and lazy to the point where I just don't care about anything and do nothing. But this is me. Hash P.S. My last "t" test was 92ml, not quite eunuch status, but close.

[Hash (imported)]

I think I'm having some of the "responsitivity" issues that Krister is having, though that doesn't seem to bother me all that much since my low "t" keeps me pretty much unresponsive (few erections). Why is this? Why does the body change in it's attitude towards "t?" I ask this because when a woman uses "t" it pretty much makes her "responsive." Curious, Hash

[mrt (imported)]

Plix, I have dealt with the exact same issue for several years, and it just doesnt seem to go away. A big part, I suspect, is one's original motivation(s). Examine those - then and now - and look for those NOT showing at the surface. I do know the "behind the scenes" story here, I just haven't gotten to the point where I have resolved it.

You are correct, the vascillation on the T and off is not good for the body. My hormonal system loses its "responsivity," if you will, the longer this goes on. Might as well toss the stuff in the river, by this time (for me).

Its just a theory but I think when I was low T for a long long time I lost (for a long time) a lot of the things I've tried to get back by going on HRT. Some things came back quickly. For example my mood improved in a few days. I got my energy back also very quick. And my anxiety problems seemed to go away with the energy etc. What took a long time was sex drive and mental focus. These took me months to get back to a higher level. So, my theory is that by switching on and off you might be missing the window of getting back some of the good stuff. In other words maybe you need to stay on it for many months to get the benifit. From what I've read men who are transitioning to female have to wait many months to years for feminization to develope. And depending on the age of the person it may not work as well. Perhapes thats part of whats going on with those of us who are a tad older.

I think that going without any HRT is much like our female friends who want to tough out menopause. Yes it can be done but this is why books like "Hormone hell to hormone well" are so popular. And frankly I think getting on a healthy level of hormones (Male, Female or Eunuch) can be a really good thing for many peoples quality of life.

One last comment about sex drive, erections etc. I've come to understand better some of the guys problems with this. HRT can cause a guy to experience a chemical "puberty" and I think many of us remember how goofy we acted when all our guy stuff started running at 100 miles an hour. As mature adults I think we have one extra thing going for us that a sex crazed horny 13 year does not. Experience and having lived a bit. So we don't have to feel the same need to respond or answer to every throb of our male "parts"

[bryan (imported)]

Plix,

Have you tried DHEA? When I tried it over a year ago, it felt like "testosterone-LITE." Even got some mild libido. Yet, it is available over the counter. Comes in pill form and doesn't stay in one's system for a long time.

You may be a good candidate for it. The stuff was too male for me, but it may suit you just right.

I'll bring my [unused] supply to Minneapolis for you. See you then,

Terri

[Riverwind (imported)]

I have never missed T, I have all the wonderful side effects from not having it but even with those it would never be enough for me to try T.

River

[devi (imported)]

There are some types of steroids on the market specifically targeted for women which aren't supposed to have such side effects as facial hair and so forth. --But I have never ever researched or checked up about that other than doing a little google study once. (And of course an awful lot of the information on the web would probably get you in trouble some how.) I, myself have just gotten rid of those two little orbs I hated so much and the doctor said that they were big. But then I do remember being concerned about them getting big a few years ago and being told nothing was wrong. But as far as such testosterone related symptoms such as facial and body hair, I never had much even far less than my Indian relatives and so a few years ago I began to wonder why I was wasting money on a razor two or three times a week and just decided to grab the tweezers. (I should have followed that advice given to me although in jest thirty years ago.) Anyway this time around after my procedure when I plucked out my hairs most of them didn't reappear (at least for me) meaning that as long as I don't have a moustache then I could just as easily wear a shirt dress or something plus a few beads and nobody would know the difference (which I have done before). And if I do just remember to speak louder than I normally do which hightens my voice and smile then my voice can even pass too. (I always hated hearing someone with a deep voice but having an obviously overly feminine enunciation and inflecton, --definate overkill on a hopeless situation.) But anyway I know that those types of steroids are out there for a more or less neutralizing effect and you might even be able to persuade someone to prescribe tem for you if necessary but then again... --What do I know?